Well, this week started off really strong. I had three done by Monday, yet Tuesday-Thursday I didn't touch another one, which left the weekend to do them all. I really slacked off this week.
I also really struggled this week. While I've been keeping up a dating life regardless if I have something serious crop up, I've been putting in more of an effort since the beginning of the year. I'm trying to practice these skills of not being too needy and not taking things personal and the first time I really got to experiment with that I kinda failed miserably. I acted totally irrational and had massive anxiety and only realized it after the fact. So I had three dates this week, partly why I didn't get my chart done and one was not good(he informed my that my salt intake goes up the more I eat out), one ok, but no sparks, and one sparks but not a good guy. Of course it was that one that had me acting pretty irrational within a few hours. He was very similar to this guy I used to date, and dated over and over again. He was super pushy when he wanted something, but then kinda disappeared when he couldn't follow through. I need to realize that this doesn't work for me, yet this is the guy that I always have the spark with!
I have at least narrowed my ideal guy down to these four characteristics. He needs to be genuine(follow through, mean what you say), adventurous(likes to travel, thinks outside box, enjoys nature), playful(strong sense of self, sense of humor, fun) and has something intelligent to contribute. I realize that most of the guys that I meet are very playful and adventurous but not genuine. Or genuine but not playful and adventurous. Most of the boys I've been meeting are smart.
So Saturday night was Miquila's party and I was super excited for it and wound up having a great time. I even met a guy who seems to fit into the characteristics above, and I had an amazing time with him. He is pretty clear that he is into me, but hes not ready for a relationship right now. Either way, I think he'll be a really great new friend and gives me hope that this guy that I think would be good for me actually does exist, even if its not him!
I also met up with another 6th grade history teacher and pretty much planned out the year which is GREAT! I feel so relieved to be knowing where I'm going.
All in all a great week, with just a pretty crappy Saturday morning/afternoon. Otherwise, eventful, fun and I have a strong sense of completion!(except my actual chart of course!)
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Reading: Sea of Poppies
I transition over to this book for the World History book club this week and have read about 15 pages. It is fairly interesting, I just didn't have that long to read it and feel horrible that I was unable to.
Creative: Swirly nails
My friend Carly had these funky swirls on her nails at the bar a few weeks ago. I asked her about it and she said it was super easy, so she sent me the youtube and a creative endeavor was born. I bought the supplies and brought them over to Miquila's before the party and played with it for a bit before the party. This is how it came out. Used the video almost to a T. It was fun and looks pretty cute but is a bit messy and hard to clean up. Carly seemed to have the most success with it!
Cultural: Ethiopian Restaurant
Had a date Friday night, and went here. It's the first time I've ever been to an Ethiopian restaurant. It was very similar style to the amazing meal I had in the Beduin tent in Israel. I ordered the lamb, but they didn't have any non spicy sauce, which kinda sucked. Overall though, I really liked it. Next time I go I'll have to go with a meat eater, so we can do a little switcheroo.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Cooking: Salmon with Pineapple Salsa
At least this wasn't a failure. This was AMAZING. I'll post pictures soon when I get around to it. The only modification I made was Cilantro instead of Basil, which I believe lead to what I find to be a near perfect meal! I paired it with a bread from Berkeley Bowl!
Physical: PiYo
I have worked out three times this week. The first being with G, the second on Monday and today I tried out PiYo with Stacy. PiYo is pilates and Yoga put together. Every 6 months or so for the past few years I have gone to a Yoga class thinking it would be a good way to calm down and be healthy and yadda yadda. Until I remember, I'M THE LEAST FLEXIBLE person EVER. I always leave feeling so miserable. I have never absolutely sucked at something so bad right away. So another fat failure.
Indulge: Silk nightgown
I don't wear nightgowns, let alone silk nightgowns. But, as I was buying new glasses, at JcPenny it caught my eye and I decided to go for it. So I cleaned my sheets and wore it at night. Wow, so its not comfy whatsoever. So fail, a big fat fail!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
reflection: Week 19
This week has been incredibly reflective.
I have not only been able to understand the different books and advice that I have been recieving, but have been able to use it as well!
A few things(and their sources) that I believe I am finally starting to get a handle on.
Not taking things personally. I first really read this concept in a book called the four agreements. His essential premise is NOTHING people do are because of you! While I saw the logic, I was really struggling on how to truly internalize it. Especially with guys and with work. My friend Liz, in the classroom is a perfect example of this. She doesn't see the kids as being against her. She sees them as needing different support that we need to provide. Our job is to teach them, and of course they are going to get it wrong. But the more we take personally, the more tenuous it gets. She did remark that certain people are born/nurtured with that quality and it might be hard to learn. However, I realized, I do know it. I've always known it with parents, with customers as a waitress or a retail associate. I've known it with most professional endeavors and recently have internalized it with friends. Once I realize that I have very little to do with an interaction, I can look rationally at it and then figure out how to solve it/work with it.
Going in hand with that are two other principals that often get me in trouble, and that is don't make assumptions(also from four agreements) and very little of what goes on you have control over(Untethered soul). There is a peace in truly understanding both of these things.
Also directly related, is the idea that Eleanor Roosevelt says "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." My friend Troy in highschool said something quite similar, and I never could figure out how, but he lived it through his example. It's taken me 10 years, but I think I finally get it. Once you decide nothing is personal, you decide, or make a choice on how things affect you. I didn't think it worked that way and didn't realize I had that power (which is really the only power you have).
And to add to that, realizing that people don't make you do anything. You choose to do it. I choose my anxiety everytime it comes, by not acting on it. I can self-talk my way out of it. Where I used to get trapped was that I said to myself "I shouldn't feel this way" which only fed it more. Instead, I need to do what I've been teaching my kids, "Figure out what it is, and isolate it. If you can know it or change the situation do so. If not accept you can't and move on." It's oftentimes really as simple as that! But the more you accept that you choose everything, you will help yourself out so much more and stop blaming others. You can't change other people, you can only work on changing your own thought processes. And the goal is to make yourself as happy and peaceful as possible. Or at least thats my goal!
Finally, which my friend Aimee helped me to discover, that niceness or goodness is not always necessary. I've lived my whole life with this ideal that I want to and want others to percieve me as good. This is why I didn't drink in college, or mess around, or swear. Yet, I did alot of probably not nice things, and put ALOT on other people in order for me to call myself nice. The more I realize that, what I really want to live by, is "always do your best"(another four agreement). And, if I'm always doing the best that I can, and aknowledging when I'm not, I can finally have the confidence, not to rely on my niceness or charm to get me through.
I know this is 150% stream of consciousness and might not make a whole lot of sense, but I just wanted to get this down. I might edit or expand upon next week. But I'm on the cusp of something big, that I truly believe will bring peace to myself and make me most able to help others.
I have not only been able to understand the different books and advice that I have been recieving, but have been able to use it as well!
A few things(and their sources) that I believe I am finally starting to get a handle on.
Not taking things personally. I first really read this concept in a book called the four agreements. His essential premise is NOTHING people do are because of you! While I saw the logic, I was really struggling on how to truly internalize it. Especially with guys and with work. My friend Liz, in the classroom is a perfect example of this. She doesn't see the kids as being against her. She sees them as needing different support that we need to provide. Our job is to teach them, and of course they are going to get it wrong. But the more we take personally, the more tenuous it gets. She did remark that certain people are born/nurtured with that quality and it might be hard to learn. However, I realized, I do know it. I've always known it with parents, with customers as a waitress or a retail associate. I've known it with most professional endeavors and recently have internalized it with friends. Once I realize that I have very little to do with an interaction, I can look rationally at it and then figure out how to solve it/work with it.
Going in hand with that are two other principals that often get me in trouble, and that is don't make assumptions(also from four agreements) and very little of what goes on you have control over(Untethered soul). There is a peace in truly understanding both of these things.
Also directly related, is the idea that Eleanor Roosevelt says "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." My friend Troy in highschool said something quite similar, and I never could figure out how, but he lived it through his example. It's taken me 10 years, but I think I finally get it. Once you decide nothing is personal, you decide, or make a choice on how things affect you. I didn't think it worked that way and didn't realize I had that power (which is really the only power you have).
And to add to that, realizing that people don't make you do anything. You choose to do it. I choose my anxiety everytime it comes, by not acting on it. I can self-talk my way out of it. Where I used to get trapped was that I said to myself "I shouldn't feel this way" which only fed it more. Instead, I need to do what I've been teaching my kids, "Figure out what it is, and isolate it. If you can know it or change the situation do so. If not accept you can't and move on." It's oftentimes really as simple as that! But the more you accept that you choose everything, you will help yourself out so much more and stop blaming others. You can't change other people, you can only work on changing your own thought processes. And the goal is to make yourself as happy and peaceful as possible. Or at least thats my goal!
Finally, which my friend Aimee helped me to discover, that niceness or goodness is not always necessary. I've lived my whole life with this ideal that I want to and want others to percieve me as good. This is why I didn't drink in college, or mess around, or swear. Yet, I did alot of probably not nice things, and put ALOT on other people in order for me to call myself nice. The more I realize that, what I really want to live by, is "always do your best"(another four agreement). And, if I'm always doing the best that I can, and aknowledging when I'm not, I can finally have the confidence, not to rely on my niceness or charm to get me through.
I know this is 150% stream of consciousness and might not make a whole lot of sense, but I just wanted to get this down. I might edit or expand upon next week. But I'm on the cusp of something big, that I truly believe will bring peace to myself and make me most able to help others.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)