Well, this week started off really strong. I had three done by Monday, yet Tuesday-Thursday I didn't touch another one, which left the weekend to do them all. I really slacked off this week.
I also really struggled this week. While I've been keeping up a dating life regardless if I have something serious crop up, I've been putting in more of an effort since the beginning of the year. I'm trying to practice these skills of not being too needy and not taking things personal and the first time I really got to experiment with that I kinda failed miserably. I acted totally irrational and had massive anxiety and only realized it after the fact. So I had three dates this week, partly why I didn't get my chart done and one was not good(he informed my that my salt intake goes up the more I eat out), one ok, but no sparks, and one sparks but not a good guy. Of course it was that one that had me acting pretty irrational within a few hours. He was very similar to this guy I used to date, and dated over and over again. He was super pushy when he wanted something, but then kinda disappeared when he couldn't follow through. I need to realize that this doesn't work for me, yet this is the guy that I always have the spark with!
I have at least narrowed my ideal guy down to these four characteristics. He needs to be genuine(follow through, mean what you say), adventurous(likes to travel, thinks outside box, enjoys nature), playful(strong sense of self, sense of humor, fun) and has something intelligent to contribute. I realize that most of the guys that I meet are very playful and adventurous but not genuine. Or genuine but not playful and adventurous. Most of the boys I've been meeting are smart.
So Saturday night was Miquila's party and I was super excited for it and wound up having a great time. I even met a guy who seems to fit into the characteristics above, and I had an amazing time with him. He is pretty clear that he is into me, but hes not ready for a relationship right now. Either way, I think he'll be a really great new friend and gives me hope that this guy that I think would be good for me actually does exist, even if its not him!
I also met up with another 6th grade history teacher and pretty much planned out the year which is GREAT! I feel so relieved to be knowing where I'm going.
All in all a great week, with just a pretty crappy Saturday morning/afternoon. Otherwise, eventful, fun and I have a strong sense of completion!(except my actual chart of course!)
Showing posts with label Reflection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Reflection. Show all posts
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
reflection: Week 19
This week has been incredibly reflective.
I have not only been able to understand the different books and advice that I have been recieving, but have been able to use it as well!
A few things(and their sources) that I believe I am finally starting to get a handle on.
Not taking things personally. I first really read this concept in a book called the four agreements. His essential premise is NOTHING people do are because of you! While I saw the logic, I was really struggling on how to truly internalize it. Especially with guys and with work. My friend Liz, in the classroom is a perfect example of this. She doesn't see the kids as being against her. She sees them as needing different support that we need to provide. Our job is to teach them, and of course they are going to get it wrong. But the more we take personally, the more tenuous it gets. She did remark that certain people are born/nurtured with that quality and it might be hard to learn. However, I realized, I do know it. I've always known it with parents, with customers as a waitress or a retail associate. I've known it with most professional endeavors and recently have internalized it with friends. Once I realize that I have very little to do with an interaction, I can look rationally at it and then figure out how to solve it/work with it.
Going in hand with that are two other principals that often get me in trouble, and that is don't make assumptions(also from four agreements) and very little of what goes on you have control over(Untethered soul). There is a peace in truly understanding both of these things.
Also directly related, is the idea that Eleanor Roosevelt says "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." My friend Troy in highschool said something quite similar, and I never could figure out how, but he lived it through his example. It's taken me 10 years, but I think I finally get it. Once you decide nothing is personal, you decide, or make a choice on how things affect you. I didn't think it worked that way and didn't realize I had that power (which is really the only power you have).
And to add to that, realizing that people don't make you do anything. You choose to do it. I choose my anxiety everytime it comes, by not acting on it. I can self-talk my way out of it. Where I used to get trapped was that I said to myself "I shouldn't feel this way" which only fed it more. Instead, I need to do what I've been teaching my kids, "Figure out what it is, and isolate it. If you can know it or change the situation do so. If not accept you can't and move on." It's oftentimes really as simple as that! But the more you accept that you choose everything, you will help yourself out so much more and stop blaming others. You can't change other people, you can only work on changing your own thought processes. And the goal is to make yourself as happy and peaceful as possible. Or at least thats my goal!
Finally, which my friend Aimee helped me to discover, that niceness or goodness is not always necessary. I've lived my whole life with this ideal that I want to and want others to percieve me as good. This is why I didn't drink in college, or mess around, or swear. Yet, I did alot of probably not nice things, and put ALOT on other people in order for me to call myself nice. The more I realize that, what I really want to live by, is "always do your best"(another four agreement). And, if I'm always doing the best that I can, and aknowledging when I'm not, I can finally have the confidence, not to rely on my niceness or charm to get me through.
I know this is 150% stream of consciousness and might not make a whole lot of sense, but I just wanted to get this down. I might edit or expand upon next week. But I'm on the cusp of something big, that I truly believe will bring peace to myself and make me most able to help others.
I have not only been able to understand the different books and advice that I have been recieving, but have been able to use it as well!
A few things(and their sources) that I believe I am finally starting to get a handle on.
Not taking things personally. I first really read this concept in a book called the four agreements. His essential premise is NOTHING people do are because of you! While I saw the logic, I was really struggling on how to truly internalize it. Especially with guys and with work. My friend Liz, in the classroom is a perfect example of this. She doesn't see the kids as being against her. She sees them as needing different support that we need to provide. Our job is to teach them, and of course they are going to get it wrong. But the more we take personally, the more tenuous it gets. She did remark that certain people are born/nurtured with that quality and it might be hard to learn. However, I realized, I do know it. I've always known it with parents, with customers as a waitress or a retail associate. I've known it with most professional endeavors and recently have internalized it with friends. Once I realize that I have very little to do with an interaction, I can look rationally at it and then figure out how to solve it/work with it.
Going in hand with that are two other principals that often get me in trouble, and that is don't make assumptions(also from four agreements) and very little of what goes on you have control over(Untethered soul). There is a peace in truly understanding both of these things.
Also directly related, is the idea that Eleanor Roosevelt says "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." My friend Troy in highschool said something quite similar, and I never could figure out how, but he lived it through his example. It's taken me 10 years, but I think I finally get it. Once you decide nothing is personal, you decide, or make a choice on how things affect you. I didn't think it worked that way and didn't realize I had that power (which is really the only power you have).
And to add to that, realizing that people don't make you do anything. You choose to do it. I choose my anxiety everytime it comes, by not acting on it. I can self-talk my way out of it. Where I used to get trapped was that I said to myself "I shouldn't feel this way" which only fed it more. Instead, I need to do what I've been teaching my kids, "Figure out what it is, and isolate it. If you can know it or change the situation do so. If not accept you can't and move on." It's oftentimes really as simple as that! But the more you accept that you choose everything, you will help yourself out so much more and stop blaming others. You can't change other people, you can only work on changing your own thought processes. And the goal is to make yourself as happy and peaceful as possible. Or at least thats my goal!
Finally, which my friend Aimee helped me to discover, that niceness or goodness is not always necessary. I've lived my whole life with this ideal that I want to and want others to percieve me as good. This is why I didn't drink in college, or mess around, or swear. Yet, I did alot of probably not nice things, and put ALOT on other people in order for me to call myself nice. The more I realize that, what I really want to live by, is "always do your best"(another four agreement). And, if I'm always doing the best that I can, and aknowledging when I'm not, I can finally have the confidence, not to rely on my niceness or charm to get me through.
I know this is 150% stream of consciousness and might not make a whole lot of sense, but I just wanted to get this down. I might edit or expand upon next week. But I'm on the cusp of something big, that I truly believe will bring peace to myself and make me most able to help others.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Reflection: Week 18
This week could not have been more opposite from last week.
There were alot of external forces that made this week pretty crappy.
1-Terrible dreams! Every night for some reason, I've been having these very vivid dreams about things that normally give me fear or create anxiety within me, such as disasters, guns, past loves/lost friendships etc. Yet, I chose to see this, as a way for these negative feelings to stir up and then leave. We'll see if this is true or not.
2-Work environment. It has been toxic. The kids are running around crazy. The staff is miserable. Even the typical "yes" people are getting upset and blaming the administration, encouraging them to fix it. It's awful and waring on me. While I am doing my best to not take it so personal, even the negative energy is wearing me down.
3-Relationship. I've been talking to? I guess? This guy that I met, in Vegas and on a long shot we tried doing this undefined long distance relationship thing, where we spoke most days, and visited each other and talked of the future. But since New years, it seems to be waning quickly. I really enjoy his company and enjoy hearing from him, but fear I may have pushed it too far and ruined a really great thing in my life. I just hope that I haven't ruined it so much, that we loose touch entirely. He's a really great guy, who is very busy and lives in OC. Two very potentially insurmountable obstacles. And to add to that, I tend to be quite pushy and demanding, which makes a boy who wants to please me, feel like he never can. Another, potentially insurmountable obstacle, which I think he finally realized. So I have been quite sad this week, but think I am finally learning that I just need to stop pushing and just let things happen as they might and not try to control everything all the time. I just wish I had learned that lesson earlier.
4-Uncle Burt. He's my great uncle actually, but he passed away this weekend. He is someone who I have probably seen maybe 10 times in my life, but had a large fondness of. I'm deeply saddened that I didn't get to talk to him before he died. I didn't know really, it just snuck up on me. But its reminded me how important family is, and I'm gettng more and more worried that while I'm having a great time here, that I should really be thinking about moving to be near family. Which family I'm not really sure, but I just feel like I am missing so much. My cousins have kids that are 5, 4, 3, and 1 that I've seen like once or twice. My grandma is really sick and talking on the phone isn't enough. Even some of my good friends, I get so lonely for sometimes. Especially when I look on facebook and feel how I've missed so much and lost touch with so many because of my location. I mean I've been thinking about this stuff a while, but his passing really has put it into focus. I'm constantly feeling I want to be in 4 places at once.
So alot of stuff has happened this week. I do have to say though, while this has been the most externally negatively eventful, this has not been the worst week for me internally. I've been really trying to live by the motto "this too shall pass.", realizing that change is the only constant, and not allowing myself to get to vested or attached to anything. I realize its ok to be sad, and I have been super sad much of this week, and irritated, but I enabled myself to feel those feelings and then let them pass and not dwell within them. My anxiety level has fell off almost completely! It's super liberating to be sad and still function. It's amazing to not know what is going on in a major part of my life, which is very important to me, but still be ok. As long as I allow myself to do it, it seems to be lessening the severity.
Also, this is the first week where I did the chart in its intended form, doing one or two activities each day and letting them come to me, instead of forcing myself through them on the weekend!
So even though its been a pretty crappy week, the feelings of change and expansion are upon me, which is helping me cope positively, or so it seems.
There were alot of external forces that made this week pretty crappy.
1-Terrible dreams! Every night for some reason, I've been having these very vivid dreams about things that normally give me fear or create anxiety within me, such as disasters, guns, past loves/lost friendships etc. Yet, I chose to see this, as a way for these negative feelings to stir up and then leave. We'll see if this is true or not.
2-Work environment. It has been toxic. The kids are running around crazy. The staff is miserable. Even the typical "yes" people are getting upset and blaming the administration, encouraging them to fix it. It's awful and waring on me. While I am doing my best to not take it so personal, even the negative energy is wearing me down.
3-Relationship. I've been talking to? I guess? This guy that I met, in Vegas and on a long shot we tried doing this undefined long distance relationship thing, where we spoke most days, and visited each other and talked of the future. But since New years, it seems to be waning quickly. I really enjoy his company and enjoy hearing from him, but fear I may have pushed it too far and ruined a really great thing in my life. I just hope that I haven't ruined it so much, that we loose touch entirely. He's a really great guy, who is very busy and lives in OC. Two very potentially insurmountable obstacles. And to add to that, I tend to be quite pushy and demanding, which makes a boy who wants to please me, feel like he never can. Another, potentially insurmountable obstacle, which I think he finally realized. So I have been quite sad this week, but think I am finally learning that I just need to stop pushing and just let things happen as they might and not try to control everything all the time. I just wish I had learned that lesson earlier.
4-Uncle Burt. He's my great uncle actually, but he passed away this weekend. He is someone who I have probably seen maybe 10 times in my life, but had a large fondness of. I'm deeply saddened that I didn't get to talk to him before he died. I didn't know really, it just snuck up on me. But its reminded me how important family is, and I'm gettng more and more worried that while I'm having a great time here, that I should really be thinking about moving to be near family. Which family I'm not really sure, but I just feel like I am missing so much. My cousins have kids that are 5, 4, 3, and 1 that I've seen like once or twice. My grandma is really sick and talking on the phone isn't enough. Even some of my good friends, I get so lonely for sometimes. Especially when I look on facebook and feel how I've missed so much and lost touch with so many because of my location. I mean I've been thinking about this stuff a while, but his passing really has put it into focus. I'm constantly feeling I want to be in 4 places at once.
So alot of stuff has happened this week. I do have to say though, while this has been the most externally negatively eventful, this has not been the worst week for me internally. I've been really trying to live by the motto "this too shall pass.", realizing that change is the only constant, and not allowing myself to get to vested or attached to anything. I realize its ok to be sad, and I have been super sad much of this week, and irritated, but I enabled myself to feel those feelings and then let them pass and not dwell within them. My anxiety level has fell off almost completely! It's super liberating to be sad and still function. It's amazing to not know what is going on in a major part of my life, which is very important to me, but still be ok. As long as I allow myself to do it, it seems to be lessening the severity.
Also, this is the first week where I did the chart in its intended form, doing one or two activities each day and letting them come to me, instead of forcing myself through them on the weekend!
So even though its been a pretty crappy week, the feelings of change and expansion are upon me, which is helping me cope positively, or so it seems.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Reflection: Week 17
I think I am just making up numbers as of now. I have no idea which "week" I am in, especially since I keep skipping weeks that I am on break.
This week has been amazing!! I've been re-energized at work, I had friends over on Tuesday, spent most of the weekend being social in the city, had a field trip! Super exciting things! Also my attitude has gotten better.
I'm teaching the kids about attitude, and each week I am picking a different word. This week was irritation, which essentially means, you are getting something you didn't expect. I told them to cope with it, they should use this idea; "If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it. This has been totally helping me. I mean I should practice what I preach, right?
Also, I've come up with a couple of resolutions of sorts! As I have pretty much sorted out my social life through this, I thought about other things I should work on.
Thanks to everyone that made this suuuuuuch a great week!
This week has been amazing!! I've been re-energized at work, I had friends over on Tuesday, spent most of the weekend being social in the city, had a field trip! Super exciting things! Also my attitude has gotten better.
I'm teaching the kids about attitude, and each week I am picking a different word. This week was irritation, which essentially means, you are getting something you didn't expect. I told them to cope with it, they should use this idea; "If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it. This has been totally helping me. I mean I should practice what I preach, right?
Also, I've come up with a couple of resolutions of sorts! As I have pretty much sorted out my social life through this, I thought about other things I should work on.
- Dressing up daily, instead of once a week, to give myself confidence and make me feel beautiful
- emotional resiliance-being able to bounce back from things, and essentially not taking anything personally
- trying to listen better and think before I speak. This one, obviously is the hardest one for me.
- This one has been easy make up wise, and I actually have clothing that works. Unfortunately, its my shoe selection I need to work on
- I have been amazing at this this week. Things that often I take personal, such as attitude from kids, or parents or administration, I have taken a deep breath, realized its not personal and dealt with it accordingly. I'm actually super impressed with myself with this.
- I'm not doing soo good at the listening part, but I have been asking myself "is it important that other people need to hear this", especially in a professional way. For example, at a 4 hour meeting I only raised my hand and talked once and said something that i thought was important to share!
Thanks to everyone that made this suuuuuuch a great week!
Monday, December 27, 2010
Reflection: Week 16
This, as many of you know, has been such a great help for me! It has made me realize how much time and how able I am to have a great life even while I am teaching. It is giving me positive pressure, and expanding my world in so many directions. I think I am going to change it up a little though, as I am going to get rid of dress up and might get rid of physical too, as I should be doing those more then once a week. So any suggestions?
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Reflection: Week 15
High and low, as has been the past few weeks. I go through hours where I feel like my frustration or anxiety or irritation won't ever break and then go through periods, where not a thing will bother me. I'm so up and down, I'm driving myself and those around me crazy!!
Miquila bought me "The Untethered Soul", which I'm gonna start reading after I finish my Troy book, hoping that it will do something to help! I'm also planning on spending the break reading alot and doing alot of my balance chart things. It might be irregular however, as I will not be on a schedule.
Miquila bought me "The Untethered Soul", which I'm gonna start reading after I finish my Troy book, hoping that it will do something to help! I'm also planning on spending the break reading alot and doing alot of my balance chart things. It might be irregular however, as I will not be on a schedule.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
reflection: Week 14
So I know I missed a few weeks. I decided to do my chart last week over two weeks, the week before break and the week of break. I didn't bring my laptop down to florida and I was super busy the week before break.
This week was full of ups and downs but this is the first time in a long time that I had a great Sunday! Sunday is usually my bad day, and if today was a good one, maybe I'm turning a corner!
I had a lot of things come together for me today! I'm also trying to really attack the major problem that is stressing me out at school, while letting other problems go completely. I'm also trying to bring my balance to a whole new level, especially the dress up one, trying to make myself look great everyday, and reading more regularly instead of just sitting at the computer or watching TV. I'm trying to sprinkle it in, instead of do everything hardcore!
Also, in my relationships I'm trying to take a huge step back and calm down and stop taking everything so seriously. I'm realizing that I have so much going for me and I need to keep remembering that.
SO a good end of week overall!!
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Reflection: Week 12
So first, I thought I'd share my analness. It really bothered me that on my label list that some had the number 11 and others 12. They were all of kilter, so I decided to balance them out this week by not doing cultural, dress up and movie, the three things I've done every week. I even went back and deleted a tag on the first entry so even reflection will be even with everything else.
So I guess I did another type of balancing then this week! I also have been loving the weather and therefore have been able to really do nature in a way that I haven't in weeks.
This week I didn't even begin my chart until Saturday, even though I had Thursday off. It just didn't happen. Even though I was working on it all weekend, I still had a pretty rough few days. As I predicted, social engagements would start to slow down, and I was in such a lull that I wound up telling people no, which only made it harder.
I am very conflicted about the purpose of social time. I was perusing facebook today and happened upon this article that asserted, among other things that in order to be happy most people require 7 hours of social time a day. If this is true, my job covers that during the week and I usually get it on Saturdays. It could explain why Sundays seem the saddest day of the week. However, I'm also concerned that sometimes instead of hanging out with people, I just need them for company. I'm sure we all feel like this, and I for one, do not like that dependence on others.
So this weekend I attempted to socialize very little, and of course, wound up still doing so, at the park, at my house, at the gym today, through phone calls, texts and IMs. But I still socialized less and felt it. This is also the first Saturday night I didn't go out and I really felt it. Even working out this morning did no good. I know its a fine line between comfort, and need, but I am constantly wondering when I'm stepping over that line.
I am undecided as to whether I am going to attempt my chart when I'm gone especially since I am not intending to bring my laptop. We shall see. Maybe, I'll be healthy enough not to be bedridden all week, unlike last year!
Monday, November 8, 2010
Reflection: Week 11
This week got alot better. I have calmed down so much. As I mentioned in the physical post, I really am convinced that proccessed foods are like poison. Even if I eat crappier natural food(like a ham and cheese sandwich for instance), it seems like it is better then the fruit roll ups I've randomly been eating lately.
I also think that it is season dependent, my moods, which sucks. Especially now that its daylight savings time and its 830 and I'm ready to go to bed.
I feel that this is definitely giving me an outlet but its not enough.
I also think that it is season dependent, my moods, which sucks. Especially now that its daylight savings time and its 830 and I'm ready to go to bed.
I feel that this is definitely giving me an outlet but its not enough.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Reflection: Week 10
I have already thrown in the towel for this week for not doing any cooking. I have enough food here for the week not to do cooking and I'm sure I'll start off with it next week. Also I think I've done a pretty good job of skipping everything once except movie, cultural and dress up. So if I have to skip something next week, it should be one of those! I also think that it is CRAZY that I have not missed cultural. Think about it, in ten weeks I have not a weekend where nothing is really going on. That is crazy to me!
I think, even though I love the activities that I am doing every week that this is not meeting its intended outcome. This was supposed to calm me down and its not doing it anymore. My mind is racing about everything, my stomach is in knots, and I keep going through these periods of intense sadness, followed by periods not of elation, but periods where I can't believe I was so sad. I don't like it and I don't really know what to do about it. This was in large part my preventative measure and it worked great when I wasn't stressed, but now that I am starting to be stressed its only providing a momentary escape. My sensitivity and grumpiness has started to already cause problems with me and relationships with others that I hope are not reversable. It's not who I am, its just sometimes what happens when I let everything get to my head. I don't like that I get like this. I am trying to eat healthy and commit to more exersize as that seems to help, but otherwise I'm worried its just going to get worse.
I think, even though I love the activities that I am doing every week that this is not meeting its intended outcome. This was supposed to calm me down and its not doing it anymore. My mind is racing about everything, my stomach is in knots, and I keep going through these periods of intense sadness, followed by periods not of elation, but periods where I can't believe I was so sad. I don't like it and I don't really know what to do about it. This was in large part my preventative measure and it worked great when I wasn't stressed, but now that I am starting to be stressed its only providing a momentary escape. My sensitivity and grumpiness has started to already cause problems with me and relationships with others that I hope are not reversable. It's not who I am, its just sometimes what happens when I let everything get to my head. I don't like that I get like this. I am trying to eat healthy and commit to more exersize as that seems to help, but otherwise I'm worried its just going to get worse.
Monday, October 25, 2010
reflection: Week 9
This week was an interesting one. I knew I had a big weekend ahead of me, one that I wanted to play tourguide at. Yet, instead of getting my chart done, by Friday I had only done cooking and physical. Then all weekend I tried so hard to get it all done and made it more stressful, when its supposed to be relaxing.
I also had a really rough week. Well, really a really rough friday. I had a tough meeting at work and I feel like I am constantly reliving this same emotion over and over again which is giving me this block. It doesn't matter how wrong I am, I don't see it. I get so mad and take everything so ridiculously personally. For the first time ever, I nearly lashed out, at work, to my boss. I mean I know I was a little anxious about the weekend, but I also think this struck a cord. This was not simply a cord that was planted last year but planted long ago.
Essentially, it was over being told I was wrong, without letting me justify. At least, that was how I felt. It didn't matter if that was really going on, or what was said after, I just couldn't get past it. It's been quite a while since I've really felt like this and I didn't like it.
I want to know if there is a connection between my lack of chart this week and all this anxiety. I've felt way more anxiety the past week then I have in a while. I am wondering if this balance chart idea is really enough? Everytime I get even slightly criticized or corrected, I'm ready to question everything that I have ever done. My stomach has been going crazy. When I get like that I can't think. I don't like that. I don't want that. I don't know how to fix it!
I also had a really rough week. Well, really a really rough friday. I had a tough meeting at work and I feel like I am constantly reliving this same emotion over and over again which is giving me this block. It doesn't matter how wrong I am, I don't see it. I get so mad and take everything so ridiculously personally. For the first time ever, I nearly lashed out, at work, to my boss. I mean I know I was a little anxious about the weekend, but I also think this struck a cord. This was not simply a cord that was planted last year but planted long ago.
Essentially, it was over being told I was wrong, without letting me justify. At least, that was how I felt. It didn't matter if that was really going on, or what was said after, I just couldn't get past it. It's been quite a while since I've really felt like this and I didn't like it.
I want to know if there is a connection between my lack of chart this week and all this anxiety. I've felt way more anxiety the past week then I have in a while. I am wondering if this balance chart idea is really enough? Everytime I get even slightly criticized or corrected, I'm ready to question everything that I have ever done. My stomach has been going crazy. When I get like that I can't think. I don't like that. I don't want that. I don't know how to fix it!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
reflection: Week 8
This week seemed to fly by! I had started this week in school, with a really easy planning schedule. I am concerned that it isn't quite as rigorous as I would like, and am working on getting it that way! But either way for this week I was really able to make interventions a priority which was great after grades were done! It also gave me more freedom to work on my chart!!
I also was able to do a lot of my chart items with friends! I really like that I have this structured pressure to do valuable work with my free time! I'm a fan of this!
My big goal for the next few weeks is to get better at listening! I have deemed myself a bad listener and would like to improve, and I think this chart can focus me on that!
I also was able to do a lot of my chart items with friends! I really like that I have this structured pressure to do valuable work with my free time! I'm a fan of this!
My big goal for the next few weeks is to get better at listening! I have deemed myself a bad listener and would like to improve, and I think this chart can focus me on that!
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Reflection: Week 7
I've been super behind on my whole chart this week. Partly being sick, partly Vegas, and partly work is getting harder. Luckily this weekend, I have/had plans only Friday and Saturday night, giving me lots of time to get to my chart, and revitalize me during the day! It was also a beautiful weekend as well!! I was able to complete everything except for physical, which I blame on my lingering cold. I am in the process of getting my bike fixed, so hopefully that will allow me to start biking again. Plus, I'd like to commit to twice a week from now on. I've been eating kinda crappier lately, and in the words of my coworker "If you want to continue looking the way you do, stop eating crap."
I overall had a GREAT week and weekend! Since the beginning of the year, I haven't had a full weekend to myself, and that was absolutely great! I got done soo much, and relaxed the whole time as well! Plus I still had tons of social time Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday night!
I had a rough week at work however, but it ended off pretty well. Aileen helped me come up with a no prep way to teach my elective class, and I somehow found a low prep way to teach my history class. By doing this, I'll have less energy expended during the day, less work to do after school and more time to devote energy to differentiating instruction and parent/student outreach. I haven't officially rolled it out yet, so I'll check back in next week. A tough week, bore something that might actually work to my benefit. Why do I have to completely break down though, before I make a change?
I overall had a GREAT week and weekend! Since the beginning of the year, I haven't had a full weekend to myself, and that was absolutely great! I got done soo much, and relaxed the whole time as well! Plus I still had tons of social time Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday night!
I had a rough week at work however, but it ended off pretty well. Aileen helped me come up with a no prep way to teach my elective class, and I somehow found a low prep way to teach my history class. By doing this, I'll have less energy expended during the day, less work to do after school and more time to devote energy to differentiating instruction and parent/student outreach. I haven't officially rolled it out yet, so I'll check back in next week. A tough week, bore something that might actually work to my benefit. Why do I have to completely break down though, before I make a change?
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Reflection: Week 6
So I am definitely a real person. This was part of the reason that I was doing this, to ensure that I keep my identity as a person and not just a teacher. This weekend in Vegas, I officially forgot that I was a teacher. I was so wrapped up in that world of Vegas that it seemed like that was all I had at the time. The papers I had to grade didn't feel like an anchor to my real life, it felt like I was truly on vacation, in a way that I am just now starting to investigate and enjoy. I guess in reality I started it last year, but accidentally. Now, it is an intentional part of my life!
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Reflection: week 5
This week was a tough one. I had a lot of trainings this week that put a damper on filling out my chart. I was also super irritable and grumpy this week, taking my rath out on several innocent and non innocent bystanders.
I can't decide though if the balance chart is helping or hurting. I really like it and enjoy how much it keeps me honest. I am definitely going to see it more though, as a guide. I would like to do all of them, but if I don't, to make sure I do that one in the next week. Due to work constraints, the movie, and creativity barely happened and nature was unable to happen.
I am also wondering if there are other factors that are severely affecting my mood such as birth control or "climate" at work? These are very strong factors and I'm sure that its really a combination. I have just felt this week that I wanted to take a break from everything. Work took up soo many extra hours this week, but also this week/weekend was full of great events to take part in. It was really tough.
Should I give in and just face that I only get to have a life on break times, do I screw the balance chart and learn meditation? I think for now I'll skate a long a few more weeks and see what happens.
I can't decide though if the balance chart is helping or hurting. I really like it and enjoy how much it keeps me honest. I am definitely going to see it more though, as a guide. I would like to do all of them, but if I don't, to make sure I do that one in the next week. Due to work constraints, the movie, and creativity barely happened and nature was unable to happen.
I am also wondering if there are other factors that are severely affecting my mood such as birth control or "climate" at work? These are very strong factors and I'm sure that its really a combination. I have just felt this week that I wanted to take a break from everything. Work took up soo many extra hours this week, but also this week/weekend was full of great events to take part in. It was really tough.
Should I give in and just face that I only get to have a life on break times, do I screw the balance chart and learn meditation? I think for now I'll skate a long a few more weeks and see what happens.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Reflection: Week 4
I didn't do it. I didn't accomplish all of my categories this week. I had two different ideas about creativity, but when all was said and done, I really didn't do anything creative!
I am a little sad about that. Moreso, because I just see more and more things being left out of this. However, the spirit of this was to copy Benjamin Franklin, who didn't use this as a checklist, but as a monitor. If I think of it, like that I may be able to be ok if I am unable to meat one of my criteria!!
I really do like that I am doing this! It seems like most of my free time since I have begun this chart has been purposeful. When I have some free time, I first think of my chart and how I can make it work! I have been watching TV less(not having cable helps!), and have been mindlessly using the computer less! I have been enriching myself more, building more community and really calming myself down!! I am a little concerned, as school starts building momentum, I'll be able to do these types of activities less and less, especially the nature one, as the weather gets worse, but I really want to keep this up! I am the happiest I have been in a long time and I want to continue!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Reflection: Week 3
Ending this week, I feel like I am back in summer. Yet, I spent alot of time on Saturday getting my work done! I know this is still early, but I think I still might be able to have a life, and have a career! Transitioning from Harbin, to an extra roommate all week, to a great weekend out in the city and then way up out of the city, was excellent!
A major thought I had for the week, again in terms of guys is that I think my new goal is to find a guy who likes the same qualities in me, that I like, the things I pride myself on.
Great week/weekend overall!
A major thought I had for the week, again in terms of guys is that I think my new goal is to find a guy who likes the same qualities in me, that I like, the things I pride myself on.
Great week/weekend overall!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Reflection: Week 2
I had a great weekend at Harbin and a really good week at school! I love 6th grade and I am really glad to be back at school. It has put me in an uncomfortable position though, as I was kinda nudged not to come back, and now I don't really know who to trust. It really sucks. Luckily this has made it easier, so I have other escape valves.
I also realized, after being away for a weekend that it is really important for me to have a guy in my life who is open to being super conservative one day, and going naked in the pool the next day. I want someone who can be open to all experiences.
I also realized, after being away for a weekend that it is really important for me to have a guy in my life who is open to being super conservative one day, and going naked in the pool the next day. I want someone who can be open to all experiences.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Reflection: Week 1
As I went through the week I felt really good about this process! However, I couldn't quite figure out why. I knew there were a few times when I was stressed out about an interaction I had, or about school and when I got home, I had "other things to do" and got to escape.
So this idea has been in the works for myself for a few weeks now. I thought, as mentioned above that it would just give me an escape or another world aside from teaching so I can make sure I am not so emotionally attached to it. I also thought by having it be a public(but small) forum that I would feel silly not meeting these goals.
I loved the pressure that I felt when I could not think of something creative to do. I loved the drive that I had when Geebi and I were picking out a recipe so I could cook something I've never cooked before. I like how I'm using my resources(friends, internet, books) that I've had for years, and just never found the time to do!
A conversation with my friend Jenny made me realize my real intent in doing this little project. I am great at following through(or very apologetic if I can't) on promises I make to others, whether they be small(when I'll be somewhere) or big(trusting that they can depend on me). At work, I won't sleep/eat until everything is not only done, but done well. I strive really hard to ensure that my word means something. However, its very rare that I make and keep a commitment to myself. This is what its all about.
I want to make this commitment to myself, that my life will be more then teaching. I want to make a commitment to myself that I deserve to experience all there is to life, without guilt or pain. I want to commit to myself that my goal is actually a process. The goal here is the journey, each individual category each week, yet the sum of its parts should give me more value in life and make me more happy overall! While I didn't realize this right away, I do believe that so far this is the intent! It is valuing myself and treating myself as I do others!
Pretty good revelation for my first week?
So this idea has been in the works for myself for a few weeks now. I thought, as mentioned above that it would just give me an escape or another world aside from teaching so I can make sure I am not so emotionally attached to it. I also thought by having it be a public(but small) forum that I would feel silly not meeting these goals.
I loved the pressure that I felt when I could not think of something creative to do. I loved the drive that I had when Geebi and I were picking out a recipe so I could cook something I've never cooked before. I like how I'm using my resources(friends, internet, books) that I've had for years, and just never found the time to do!
A conversation with my friend Jenny made me realize my real intent in doing this little project. I am great at following through(or very apologetic if I can't) on promises I make to others, whether they be small(when I'll be somewhere) or big(trusting that they can depend on me). At work, I won't sleep/eat until everything is not only done, but done well. I strive really hard to ensure that my word means something. However, its very rare that I make and keep a commitment to myself. This is what its all about.
I want to make this commitment to myself, that my life will be more then teaching. I want to make a commitment to myself that I deserve to experience all there is to life, without guilt or pain. I want to commit to myself that my goal is actually a process. The goal here is the journey, each individual category each week, yet the sum of its parts should give me more value in life and make me more happy overall! While I didn't realize this right away, I do believe that so far this is the intent! It is valuing myself and treating myself as I do others!
Pretty good revelation for my first week?
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