reflection: Week 9

This week was an interesting one. I knew I had a big weekend ahead of me, one that I wanted to play tourguide at. Yet, instead of getting my chart done, by Friday I had only done cooking and physical. Then all weekend I tried so hard to get it all done and made it more stressful, when its supposed to be relaxing.

I also had a really rough week. Well, really a really rough friday. I had a tough meeting at work and I feel like I am constantly reliving this same emotion over and over again which is giving me this block. It doesn't matter how wrong I am, I don't see it. I get so mad and take everything so ridiculously personally. For the first time ever, I nearly lashed out, at work, to my boss. I mean I know I was a little anxious about the weekend, but I also think this struck a cord. This was not simply a cord that was planted last year but planted long ago.

Essentially, it was over being told I was wrong, without letting me justify. At least, that was how I felt. It didn't matter if that was really going on, or what was said after, I just couldn't get past it. It's been quite a while since I've really felt like this and I didn't like it.

I want to know if there is a connection between my lack of chart this week and all this anxiety. I've felt way more anxiety the past week then I have in a while. I am wondering if this balance chart idea is really enough? Everytime I get even slightly criticized or corrected, I'm ready to question everything that I have ever done. My stomach has been going crazy. When I get like that I can't think. I don't like that. I don't want that. I don't know how to fix it!