Reflection: Week 10

I have already thrown in the towel for this week for not doing any cooking. I have enough food here for the week not to do cooking and I'm sure I'll start off with it next week. Also I think I've done a pretty good job of skipping everything once except movie, cultural and dress up. So if I have to skip something next week, it should be one of those! I also think that it is CRAZY that I have not missed cultural. Think about it, in ten weeks I have not a weekend where nothing is really going on. That is crazy to me!

I think, even though I love the activities that I am doing every week that this is not meeting its intended outcome. This was supposed to calm me down and its not doing it anymore. My mind is racing about everything, my stomach is in knots, and I keep going through these periods of intense sadness, followed by periods not of elation, but periods where I can't believe I was so sad. I don't like it and I don't really know what to do about it. This was in large part my preventative measure and it worked great when I wasn't stressed, but now that I am starting to be stressed its only providing a momentary escape. My sensitivity and grumpiness has started to already cause problems with me and relationships with others that I hope are not reversable. It's not who I am, its just sometimes what happens when I let everything get to my head. I don't like that I get like this. I am trying to eat healthy and commit to more exersize as that seems to help, but otherwise I'm worried its just going to get worse.

Cultural: Claremont Auction

I couldn't really decide if the auction or the Halloween party itself was more cultural, but I'm opting to go for the Auction since the Halloween party, was just a regular party with costumes.

The Claremont Auction, is a silent auction with a bar, and food being delivered(I even worked the bar!). It's put on by the PTA and raises alot of money for the school! There were over 200 auction items and parties! Our item, for our house, was taking the 8 kids that signed up on a CIA special mission, to dinner and ice cream.

It was located at a body shop and was a great setting for a Halloween event! I always have a blast at these things talking to the parents, and staff. I am really in my element! Unfortunately I told Pam we would leave at 7(we left at 815) and told Aileen I'd pick her up at 9, to head into the city, so I had to cut my joyous evening short, but it really pumped me up for the rest of the evening!!

Dress up: CIA

So at school, we are split up into houses, or an interdisciplinary group of teachers, that teach the four core subjects(math, science, english, social studies) who all share the same students, instructional strategies etc. I spent a day in my class allowing the students come up with the names. The three top choices was: The Brain Gang, Knights of Knowledge and the CIA-The Claremont Intelligence Agency. It was a close race but CIA pulled through.

So we had the Claremont Auction tonight, to raise money for the school and since it was on Halloween weekend, it was dress up, and so Pam the math teacher, convinced me to dress up like a spy, or a CIA agent. I think I looked more like Russian Mafia. Especially with the coat I was wearing, but I was close!

Nature: Waterfront Park

After several tries, I finally was able to get myself to the Oakland estuary. The Oakland Estuary is a series of waterfront parks on the bay. I took Aileen with me and we had a good couple hour walk beneath some murky clouds.

Creative: Knitting again

I was hoping to be able to post a picture that shows me a little farther, or at least a little more even, but I spent most of my friday evening knitting and working on my first little project. Part of me wants to give it as a present, but part of me thinks there are too many imperfections, and there continues to be some. So my goal is to give it someone very deserving, but I don't know if I want to subject someone to that.

Physical: Hip Hop

Ok, so by the end of one class I was pretty much doing that. But take away the upside down thing, and the face and the nice clothes. Ok, well I wasn't exactly doing that, but I did actually not do too badly. I went with Stacy, who has been asking me for weeks to go with her! I'm so glad I did! We had soo much fun! It's not quite as aerobic as a kickboxing class, so going on the eliptical before hand was a good idea, but it was physical enough to get my endorphins flowing. And then of course, passing by Yogurtland, I had to get a whole bunch of chocolate yogurt and toppings, to ensure I wasn't tooo healthy!

Movie: Up in the Air

Following my vow to myself to not watch chick flicks, I opted for the opposite. I went for a movie that I thought would end exactly where it started, and I wasn't let down.

This movie's plot is about a man, who has evolved past the need for sedentary life, and instead lives for business trips, which he does the majority of the year. He meets a woman who leads a similar lifestyle, seemingly meeting several over the years. However, his life changes quite a bit when a fresh from ivy leager tries to ground him in Omaha, because of her genius cost saving ideas. TO train her she joins him on his trips and he finds himself constantly justifying and explaining his lifestyle to her. She starts to seep in and he starts to make something work with the woman, only to find out that she has a family at home. He heads back to the skies, confirming his prethought beliefs.

This is the first time in a long time I've watched a movie like this and not been saddened by it. It could be that I'm already in a funk lately, that nothing could really make me sadder, but I really needed to see how guys felt and thought. Not that I am necessarily having guy problems or anything, but I often forget how guys and girls seem to have very different opinions about settling down. I also felt much sympathy for the ivy leager and actually regretted similar things that I did when I first began my teaching career.

Reading: Devil in the White City

I bought this book for a class in grad school. It was a survey class in American History, yet obscure history. Like, instead of reading a book about the progressives during that era in history, we read a dissertation of the Know-Nothing party. Instead of reading a book about the Explorers, we read a book about the Salem Witch trials. Needless to say it was actually really enjoyable and really filled in gaps for me that I didn't even know I had!

I did a pretty good job reading the books, even though dense reading(dissertation/academic style) is my LEAST favorite. Of course, the one book that I didn't even pick up, is one of the most captivating books I've ever touched(and I'm only on page 25).

Devil in the White City, by Eric Larson, is a quasi-history of the World's fair in Chicago. It tells the story of one of its architects and a story of its most famous serial killer. It so far, even though its just telling an account of what happened, is one of the most page turning stories I've read. Even books I really like, I don't enjoy right away. So perhaps it will be short lived.

I also remember the one thing that my professor said about this, is how dangerous it is, or something like that, to read a book like this and consider it history. Other then that I don't remember much about the discussion! At least the book is engaging so far!

reflection: Week 9

This week was an interesting one. I knew I had a big weekend ahead of me, one that I wanted to play tourguide at. Yet, instead of getting my chart done, by Friday I had only done cooking and physical. Then all weekend I tried so hard to get it all done and made it more stressful, when its supposed to be relaxing.

I also had a really rough week. Well, really a really rough friday. I had a tough meeting at work and I feel like I am constantly reliving this same emotion over and over again which is giving me this block. It doesn't matter how wrong I am, I don't see it. I get so mad and take everything so ridiculously personally. For the first time ever, I nearly lashed out, at work, to my boss. I mean I know I was a little anxious about the weekend, but I also think this struck a cord. This was not simply a cord that was planted last year but planted long ago.

Essentially, it was over being told I was wrong, without letting me justify. At least, that was how I felt. It didn't matter if that was really going on, or what was said after, I just couldn't get past it. It's been quite a while since I've really felt like this and I didn't like it.

I want to know if there is a connection between my lack of chart this week and all this anxiety. I've felt way more anxiety the past week then I have in a while. I am wondering if this balance chart idea is really enough? Everytime I get even slightly criticized or corrected, I'm ready to question everything that I have ever done. My stomach has been going crazy. When I get like that I can't think. I don't like that. I don't want that. I don't know how to fix it!

Creative: Pumpkin Carving

Sunday afternoon, Dan and I met up with Todd and Miquila at a loft in SOMA for a pumpkin potluck. I made my worldfamous salad and my roommates girlfriend just gave me this Korean Noodle dish called Jap Chae to bring with me, which was SUPER nice! We hung out and carved pumpkins. I chose an easy one, because I didn't have a large amount of practice as a kid and I always try wayyyy more complicated then I should and it looks bad! So I succeeded and now have pumpkins to decorate my classroom with!