Reading: Prep complete

It is incredible how much this character is like my own. I read the commentary in the back and they talk about how she is not a likeable character, however, and I completely disagree. She was real and she was honest. She was doing all she could, or at least how she thought she could.

This book really makes me realize how important good friends are. I felt similar to her through much of highschool, because I didn't really give myself a support system. I had some good friends, but no real circle. It wasn't until senior year that I had my own little group!

Then I reverted back in college, to my old mindset, which is similar to Lee's in the story. I had super low self esteem, questioned everything and everyone, and was not fun, for lack of a better way to say it. It wasn't until the last two years, where I pretty much existed through the eyes of my boyfriend, who did genuinly like me for me. The problem was, I didn't know how to be like that in front of others. I was constantly on alert, waiting for people to do I'm not even sure what. Unfortunately, he wasn't enough, and I was depending on him way too much.

Then in grad school I finally started to feel right again, and had a great group of friends. That continued in South East Asia and minus a rough first year, that continues now in Oakland. It is incredible how healing it is for people to see you and appreciate you for who you are.

I don't know where I went wrong in college exactly. I know, I still have many of the gut reactions to people and situations, especially with people taking advantage or disrespecting me, that I did back then. However, I also have these friends and family that will and have supported me through so much. I am so lucky to have found them, and from the looks of it, over and over and over again.

So what it really looks like, is that the 12 year old that still lurking inside there needs to grow up. The 18 year old who let her father choose her college, she needs to grow up too. She needs to realize how good she has it, how much she has grown, and her internal monologue, needs to quiet down to a whisper, or to nothing.

It's crazy how much you can learn from a book. It's also fun to talk about yourself in third person!