Reflection: Week 10

I have already thrown in the towel for this week for not doing any cooking. I have enough food here for the week not to do cooking and I'm sure I'll start off with it next week. Also I think I've done a pretty good job of skipping everything once except movie, cultural and dress up. So if I have to skip something next week, it should be one of those! I also think that it is CRAZY that I have not missed cultural. Think about it, in ten weeks I have not a weekend where nothing is really going on. That is crazy to me!

I think, even though I love the activities that I am doing every week that this is not meeting its intended outcome. This was supposed to calm me down and its not doing it anymore. My mind is racing about everything, my stomach is in knots, and I keep going through these periods of intense sadness, followed by periods not of elation, but periods where I can't believe I was so sad. I don't like it and I don't really know what to do about it. This was in large part my preventative measure and it worked great when I wasn't stressed, but now that I am starting to be stressed its only providing a momentary escape. My sensitivity and grumpiness has started to already cause problems with me and relationships with others that I hope are not reversable. It's not who I am, its just sometimes what happens when I let everything get to my head. I don't like that I get like this. I am trying to eat healthy and commit to more exersize as that seems to help, but otherwise I'm worried its just going to get worse.

Cultural: Claremont Auction

I couldn't really decide if the auction or the Halloween party itself was more cultural, but I'm opting to go for the Auction since the Halloween party, was just a regular party with costumes.

The Claremont Auction, is a silent auction with a bar, and food being delivered(I even worked the bar!). It's put on by the PTA and raises alot of money for the school! There were over 200 auction items and parties! Our item, for our house, was taking the 8 kids that signed up on a CIA special mission, to dinner and ice cream.

It was located at a body shop and was a great setting for a Halloween event! I always have a blast at these things talking to the parents, and staff. I am really in my element! Unfortunately I told Pam we would leave at 7(we left at 815) and told Aileen I'd pick her up at 9, to head into the city, so I had to cut my joyous evening short, but it really pumped me up for the rest of the evening!!

Dress up: CIA

So at school, we are split up into houses, or an interdisciplinary group of teachers, that teach the four core subjects(math, science, english, social studies) who all share the same students, instructional strategies etc. I spent a day in my class allowing the students come up with the names. The three top choices was: The Brain Gang, Knights of Knowledge and the CIA-The Claremont Intelligence Agency. It was a close race but CIA pulled through.

So we had the Claremont Auction tonight, to raise money for the school and since it was on Halloween weekend, it was dress up, and so Pam the math teacher, convinced me to dress up like a spy, or a CIA agent. I think I looked more like Russian Mafia. Especially with the coat I was wearing, but I was close!

Nature: Waterfront Park

After several tries, I finally was able to get myself to the Oakland estuary. The Oakland Estuary is a series of waterfront parks on the bay. I took Aileen with me and we had a good couple hour walk beneath some murky clouds.

Creative: Knitting again

I was hoping to be able to post a picture that shows me a little farther, or at least a little more even, but I spent most of my friday evening knitting and working on my first little project. Part of me wants to give it as a present, but part of me thinks there are too many imperfections, and there continues to be some. So my goal is to give it someone very deserving, but I don't know if I want to subject someone to that.

Physical: Hip Hop

Ok, so by the end of one class I was pretty much doing that. But take away the upside down thing, and the face and the nice clothes. Ok, well I wasn't exactly doing that, but I did actually not do too badly. I went with Stacy, who has been asking me for weeks to go with her! I'm so glad I did! We had soo much fun! It's not quite as aerobic as a kickboxing class, so going on the eliptical before hand was a good idea, but it was physical enough to get my endorphins flowing. And then of course, passing by Yogurtland, I had to get a whole bunch of chocolate yogurt and toppings, to ensure I wasn't tooo healthy!

Movie: Up in the Air

Following my vow to myself to not watch chick flicks, I opted for the opposite. I went for a movie that I thought would end exactly where it started, and I wasn't let down.

This movie's plot is about a man, who has evolved past the need for sedentary life, and instead lives for business trips, which he does the majority of the year. He meets a woman who leads a similar lifestyle, seemingly meeting several over the years. However, his life changes quite a bit when a fresh from ivy leager tries to ground him in Omaha, because of her genius cost saving ideas. TO train her she joins him on his trips and he finds himself constantly justifying and explaining his lifestyle to her. She starts to seep in and he starts to make something work with the woman, only to find out that she has a family at home. He heads back to the skies, confirming his prethought beliefs.

This is the first time in a long time I've watched a movie like this and not been saddened by it. It could be that I'm already in a funk lately, that nothing could really make me sadder, but I really needed to see how guys felt and thought. Not that I am necessarily having guy problems or anything, but I often forget how guys and girls seem to have very different opinions about settling down. I also felt much sympathy for the ivy leager and actually regretted similar things that I did when I first began my teaching career.

Reading: Devil in the White City

I bought this book for a class in grad school. It was a survey class in American History, yet obscure history. Like, instead of reading a book about the progressives during that era in history, we read a dissertation of the Know-Nothing party. Instead of reading a book about the Explorers, we read a book about the Salem Witch trials. Needless to say it was actually really enjoyable and really filled in gaps for me that I didn't even know I had!

I did a pretty good job reading the books, even though dense reading(dissertation/academic style) is my LEAST favorite. Of course, the one book that I didn't even pick up, is one of the most captivating books I've ever touched(and I'm only on page 25).

Devil in the White City, by Eric Larson, is a quasi-history of the World's fair in Chicago. It tells the story of one of its architects and a story of its most famous serial killer. It so far, even though its just telling an account of what happened, is one of the most page turning stories I've read. Even books I really like, I don't enjoy right away. So perhaps it will be short lived.

I also remember the one thing that my professor said about this, is how dangerous it is, or something like that, to read a book like this and consider it history. Other then that I don't remember much about the discussion! At least the book is engaging so far!

reflection: Week 9

This week was an interesting one. I knew I had a big weekend ahead of me, one that I wanted to play tourguide at. Yet, instead of getting my chart done, by Friday I had only done cooking and physical. Then all weekend I tried so hard to get it all done and made it more stressful, when its supposed to be relaxing.

I also had a really rough week. Well, really a really rough friday. I had a tough meeting at work and I feel like I am constantly reliving this same emotion over and over again which is giving me this block. It doesn't matter how wrong I am, I don't see it. I get so mad and take everything so ridiculously personally. For the first time ever, I nearly lashed out, at work, to my boss. I mean I know I was a little anxious about the weekend, but I also think this struck a cord. This was not simply a cord that was planted last year but planted long ago.

Essentially, it was over being told I was wrong, without letting me justify. At least, that was how I felt. It didn't matter if that was really going on, or what was said after, I just couldn't get past it. It's been quite a while since I've really felt like this and I didn't like it.

I want to know if there is a connection between my lack of chart this week and all this anxiety. I've felt way more anxiety the past week then I have in a while. I am wondering if this balance chart idea is really enough? Everytime I get even slightly criticized or corrected, I'm ready to question everything that I have ever done. My stomach has been going crazy. When I get like that I can't think. I don't like that. I don't want that. I don't know how to fix it!

Creative: Pumpkin Carving

Sunday afternoon, Dan and I met up with Todd and Miquila at a loft in SOMA for a pumpkin potluck. I made my worldfamous salad and my roommates girlfriend just gave me this Korean Noodle dish called Jap Chae to bring with me, which was SUPER nice! We hung out and carved pumpkins. I chose an easy one, because I didn't have a large amount of practice as a kid and I always try wayyyy more complicated then I should and it looks bad! So I succeeded and now have pumpkins to decorate my classroom with!

Movie: Thank you for smoking

This movie follows the spokesman for big tobacco's research agency. He spins the truth, but is also trying to show his son what is right and wrong.

It was interesting how quickly, as I was watching, I found myself believing what he was saying, even though I knew he was full of shit. I do not like how easily persuaded I am by prose.

Nature: Rose Garden

While we didn't stay for tooo long since it was raining there was an attempt to make some nature happen at the Berkeley rose garden, part of the WPA!

Cultural: Tour guide

Yes, I am getting credit for this twice now! The tour began at the palace of fine arts, and stepped outside for a photo shoot. Then on to Lombard, where we barely made it up the hill prior. Then some drive bys including; the painted lady, Haight/Ashbury, Castro and Mission. The final stop was the fairy tale houses in Berkeley!

Dress up: Tour guide

I dressed up professional today as I was acting as a San Francisco tour guide. I wore minimal make up, a gray headband a long sweater with a belt and, wait for it....HEEELSdr

Physical: Kickboxing

So I love it! I miss it so much when I don't do it! Yet with all the things I try and do, do during the week I am lucky to work out once a week! I am trying to eat better on a regular basis to balance out how little I am physical! The class is run by this TFA teacher, who has sooo much energy!! I love it!

Cooking: Self made creation

Using the fajitas that Miquila and I made on Sunday, I reheated them, threw a bed of spinach on the bottom and sunny side up eggs on the top!

reflection: Week 8

This week seemed to fly by! I had started this week in school, with a really easy planning schedule. I am concerned that it isn't quite as rigorous as I would like, and am working on getting it that way! But either way for this week I was really able to make interventions a priority which was great after grades were done! It also gave me more freedom to work on my chart!!

I also was able to do a lot of my chart items with friends! I really like that I have this structured pressure to do valuable work with my free time! I'm a fan of this!

My big goal for the next few weeks is to get better at listening! I have deemed myself a bad listener and would like to improve, and I think this chart can focus me on that!

Cooking: Fajitas

Also cheating on this one. Miquila and I hadn't had 1:1 time in forever(about a week), so we decided after my sojurn to Daly City that I would come over and we would cook. We decided to cook Fajitas, which I technically have never cooked before, and technically still haven't really. After cutting a few of the vegetables, I got involved in something else on the computer, and before I knew it, cooking was done and I had an excellent meal with Miquila!

Nature: Buying Plants

Super cheating this week! I spent much of yesterday outside in the backyard, but today, which I had reserved for nature was raining. So my mom came up with a plan B, buy plants! So after our reading time, Manveer and I went down to Daly City, bought some clothes and Kohl's and then headed to Home Depot!

Since regular plants I have failed to keep alive in my classroom, I went with succulent plants. I mean if I can kill succulents, I just shouldn't have any living object depend on me for life!!

Reading: Veronika Decides to Die-COMPLETE

I finished the book, in my friends bed this morning, while he read the newspaper on his IPAD. If only he were straight, it would have been a happy little 21st century couple moment.

Anyways, while the first half of the book was a huge critique on society, the second half of the book seemed more just telling stories of the other characters, for no particular reason! The moral of the story is that in order to live fullest, you need to be free. It also had major undertones that you don't appreciate your life until you realize the fleetingness of it!

I didn't love this book, but it did have a good message to it! It also seemed to be a lot more personal, as he had spent many years of his life in insane assylum's and felt that people aren't truly crazy, but that they just don't want to conform to the masses.

Dress up: Manveer's Party

I have been really putting in the effort since I began this! One day a week I put some time and thought to what I look like, with the hope that it permeates throughout all the days!

Today I wanted to have a simple outfit and to play up the hair and the makeup. My goal in the future is to do more with my hair. Especially since I had to redo my eyes, as I looked like I had a black eye. Either way, this is my attempt. I spent nearly an hour on this!

Creativity:Knitting

After a particularly henius week last year, I took my coworker/friend Liz to Michaels so I could find a new creative outlet. This was probably the first stage of what I am currently doing now with my chart! I bought nearly $100 worth of crafts including scrapbooking, jewelery making and knitting stuff. With the exception of some scrapbooking pages I have yet to touch the stuff. UNTIL TODAY...

I was online with my old roommate Amy figuring out what creative thing to do, and wound up convincing her to come over so we could figure out how to knit. After unsuccessfully using several videos and websites, we found this one and this one. The first one is actually a series of videos and that taught us how to create the slip knot and how to cast(and is used to teach kids, so actually pretty helpful!). The second one was super helpful because her needles were so big I could actually see what she was doing!!! while we each remade ours several times, I can now say that I have done at least 6 rows without redoing it!

I think I have found my creative outlet for the next few weeks! Its challenging enough that it takes alot of energy, yet it doesn't actually involve my mind, so my mind literally empties. It's like my own little meditation! Huge fan so far! Even if my first scarf will probably only fit on a doll or a very small child!

Movie: Fight Club

I dont know how it took me this long to see this movie. But I guess most of these movies I should have seen that I haven't!

So this movie follows an everyman through his white collar existence. He hates his life, but doesn't feel like he has any control, so he creates an imaginary friend/another self and creates an army of people who oppose the burgeoning corporate America.

It definitely had many interesting societal critiques. The first, and most prevalent, was peoples tacit agreement to keep the establishment, and corporations in power by working and respecting them. There was also the idea that men are designed to be aggressive, and protective of others, and corporate America takes all that away, leaving many men feeling lonely and useless. A comment they made, which I appreciated, was that people in power need the proletariat, for lack of a better term, and that in reality, there is a mutual agreement in place between the people in power and the proletariat, in order for the world to function as is. I think I am not explaining it right exactly, but I see quite a few social critques. I can't handle watching the movie again anytime soon, but if I see it again, I will try to pay more careful attention to it.

I am still a little confused how the girl fit in, or if she was simply a sub plot so some girls might be interested in the movie?

I did catch on to the personal struggle, and felt akin to it! I know sometimes we can feel that others can do it better then ourselves, or that we need permission to do things that we want to do. Brad Pitt kept talking about being free, and what he meant was free from societal pressure! He meant that society functions in large part to keep everyone in their place. I personally think that society does function for good, as it creates a moral and ethical code for people to live by, but alot of times it is way to cloistering, and keeps us from doing things we want, simply because we are afraid of what others think.

My thoughts are so not well developed at all, but it was definitely an interesting, thought provoking movie.

Final note-I started watching Leap Year at the beginning of the week, and decided to scrap it. I need to stop watching movies like that, that create unrealistic expectations for relationships! Instead I'll watch a movie where guys beat each other up for fun! That's super more realistic!

Cultural: Iph

The bay area, and theater groups in general around the country are trying to reach out to a younger audience. Therefore they created Free theater night across the Bay area. I missed it a few weeks ago, but I knew I wanted to capitalize on it this week, especially since I really had nothing cultural going on this week. So I convinced my roommate's girlfriend Geebi to go. Miquila wound up meeting up as well!

Iph... is the story of Agamemnon's internal and external struggle as he's been told that to protect Greece he needs to sacrafice his oldest daughter. The story is originally told by Euripidies, and much of the dialogue was hard to understand. However, it also had a social justice slant, about the need or lack thereof for war.

Overall, it was interesting. It was a production put on by an African American troupe and a women's troupe, so they were incredibly creative in their casting and musical selections. Geebi hated it, and Miquila was pretty neutral. I thought it was pretty good, especially for the fact that it was free!

Physical: Kickboxing

Unfortunately, its been quite a while since I have really truly worked out. I was doing that dance thing, and I missed last week, which puts me at nearly a month. In reality, its been soo much longer. So today, I committed myself to going to Kickboxing. Marissa, my coworker knew the instructor, and said he was better then the lady who did it last school year. She was right! I felt a big workout and I was probably not even in it for like 10 minutes(I got lost getting there, and had to pee in the middle). It felt good to workout again!

My big accomplishment was that I did one of those moves where you touch the floor. Normally when the group does that I just touch my knee as I'm super inflexible, but I did it this time! Whooo hoooo!!!

Reflection: Week 7

I've been super behind on my whole chart this week. Partly being sick, partly Vegas, and partly work is getting harder. Luckily this weekend, I have/had plans only Friday and Saturday night, giving me lots of time to get to my chart, and revitalize me during the day! It was also a beautiful weekend as well!! I was able to complete everything except for physical, which I blame on my lingering cold. I am in the process of getting my bike fixed, so hopefully that will allow me to start biking again. Plus, I'd like to commit to twice a week from now on. I've been eating kinda crappier lately, and in the words of my coworker "If you want to continue looking the way you do, stop eating crap."

I overall had a GREAT week and weekend! Since the beginning of the year, I haven't had a full weekend to myself, and that was absolutely great! I got done soo much, and relaxed the whole time as well! Plus I still had tons of social time Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday night!

I had a rough week at work however, but it ended off pretty well. Aileen helped me come up with a no prep way to teach my elective class, and I somehow found a low prep way to teach my history class. By doing this, I'll have less energy expended during the day, less work to do after school and more time to devote energy to differentiating instruction and parent/student outreach. I haven't officially rolled it out yet, so I'll check back in next week. A tough week, bore something that might actually work to my benefit. Why do I have to completely break down though, before I make a change?

Reading: Veronika Decides To Die

I have been very hesitant, if I want to read this book or not. I tend to get influenced by ideas pretty easily because of my openmindedness and I was worried that it might be a sensitive topic. Yet, this is surprisingly not a depressing book. Within the first few pages, the reader is already witnessing her first suicide attempt. In her explanation, she is clear that she is not depressed, or sad, but she feels like the world is vapid, or repetitive. She thought there was no reason for living, because she thought she had done it all. She had friends, boyfriends, a good job, good family, etc and didn't know what else would change, so she might as well leave on her own terms.

So her attempt doesn't work, and instead has her wind up in an insane assylum. Through her own processing, and conversations with others, the reader gets to understand a critique on society. At this point, this is my favorite quotation. "Once in a mental hospital, a person grows used to the freedom that exists in the world of insanity and becomes addicted to it. You no longer have to take on responsibilities, struggle to earn your daily bread, be bothered with repeitive, mundane tasks. You could spend hours looking at a picture or making absurd doodles. Everything is tolerated because after all the person is mentally ill...They no longer had to hide their symptoms and the "family" atmosphere helped them to accept their own neuroses and psychoses." It continues on this line of reasonings, offering that society is created to keep people in order, beginning with Adam and Eve. The premise that people cannot handle chaos, and are afraid to be crazy. It's an interesting perspective!

One neurosis that the main character has, that I to have is the constant feeling that I am bothering others. An ancillary character comments on this thought, "Stop thinking all the time that you're in the way, that you're bothering the person next to you. If people don't like it, they can complain. And if they dont' have the courage to complain, that's their problem."

So far, the book has not been depressing in the least, and instead has been very thought provoking as many of Paulo Coehlo books are! About half way through now, looking forward to the end!
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Cultural: Japanese Karaoke

I have done this one other time, in Thailand. The premise, is you sit in a room with a monitor and two mic's and you control the karaoke. It's pretty much awesome. We went for my coworker Brian's birthday. Most of the guests were gay rugby players, which is a real shame since one was SUPER cute. Had an absolute blast, singing everything from "I got rhythm" to "Roll out".

Dress up: New shirt

In Vegas I scored 5 new tops and a pair of pants at Limited for $100! I've been featuring them all week at school, but saved the best one for tonight! I also put on light make up, but no major eye make up. Unfortunately, I didn't get a picture with the shirt. :(

Cooking: Ginger Orange Chicken

I was desperate for vegetables, so I stuck to my "classic" salad but wanted to add a little twist. After unsuccessfully navigating allrecipies.com, I decided to check out some of my cookbooks, and found this recipie in "The Everything Healthy Meals in Minutes Cookbook", which it looks like I, (or more likely my mother) purchased at Christmas Tree Shops.

So as I said I started with my basic salad and made the chicken, which essentially called for cooking it through first. Then grating garlic, orange zest and ginger and mixing it with some orange juice and throwing the chicken back in. I then cut up the chicken and threw it in my salad for a protein, and vegetable meal that satisfied and was fairly quick(1.5 hours from leafing through the cookbooks, going to the store, cooking, eating and cleaning!!)

Movie: Clash of the Titans

If this man wasn't enough of a reason to watch this movie I don't know what is. This movie told the story of Perseus, half god-half man. It's an action movie in which he is fated to save the city of Argos against Hades. Overall, I liked it. The graphics were fun, and during the fighting scenes I finished up grades(comment codes). It frustrated me a little, that all the other major characters in the movie fought and died for the cause, while Perseus was really the only 3 dimensional character. It seemed like the point of the movie was for him to realize his destiny. Yet, in denying his destiny for most of the movie, many people had to die. It creates a very selfish character, and for those who watch a movie like this at a young age, will think that other people are not as important as the changes going on within yourself. I don't know if I am explaining this right, but it seems to insinuate that its ok if all these people died, as long as you changed and grew?

Anyways, the guy was cute, and it filled in another myth, so I can better teach the Greece unit at the end of the year!!

Creativity: Envelopes

I was unable to send out the cards I made last week to my Grandma's. I gave them the biggest pictures of me, thinking that they would appreciate them the most. However, the card I had written out had an envelope that was just too small!! So all week the cards have been sitting next to my bed with my ginormous face looking at me every day.

Waiting for a phone call back from Adrianna(she just had to readjust her hands free set, she claims), I decided to make some envelopes for the picture/card to go into. I used this website, and just modified it slightly. First, I used 12 x 12 paper, and therefore second, didn't need the extra paper to complete the envelope. I used scrapbook paper that I bought last year that has actually come in handy!!

My only worry now though, is that the envelope might be too big or weigh too much for a regular stamp.

Nature: Cal Academy of Sciences

Ok, so its a stretch, but this week most everything is going to be a stretch. So we started off by having sushi OUTSIDE(the beginning of the "nature" activity) and wound up at Cal Academy. My favorite things were the Sea Dragons and the Ribbon Eel! I really enjoyed the Aquarium in general and also had a REALLY great Cantelope drink!

Reflection: Week 6

So I am definitely a real person. This was part of the reason that I was doing this, to ensure that I keep my identity as a person and not just a teacher. This weekend in Vegas, I officially forgot that I was a teacher. I was so wrapped up in that world of Vegas that it seemed like that was all I had at the time. The papers I had to grade didn't feel like an anchor to my real life, it felt like I was truly on vacation, in a way that I am just now starting to investigate and enjoy. I guess in reality I started it last year, but accidentally. Now, it is an intentional part of my life!

Cutlural: Winner!!

While I am not even remotely a gambler, I do enjoy playing the penny slots from time to time. Luckily Miquila wanted free drinks quite a bit so we wound up there a bunch! Who knew you just sat down somewhere for a while and drinks are delivered to you!! Anyways, while I have partaken in light gambling before, I think it can still count as my cultural event for the week! I x7.5 my money!! Started with a dollar, wound up wth $7.50

Physical: Dancing at Tao

Gots to get a little creative here to ensure I am doing all of my chart. Tao was a $20 nightclub that we got into for free! We immediately hit the dance floor and I immediately met this boy that I wound up spending until sunrise with, out on the strip hanging out in front of the "Trevi fountain". However, the moral of the story is the dancing, in HIGH HEELS! For nearly an hour!! That's totally physical right?

Dress up: Out on the town

This is the first time in a VERY long time that I dressed up two nights in a row. But c'mon its Vegas. The second night I really tried to take a picture of my eye makeup, but all I really got was a series of really creepy pictures..