Reflection: Week 16

This, as many of you know, has been such a great help for me! It has made me realize how much time and how able I am to have a great life even while I am teaching. It is giving me positive pressure, and expanding my world in so many directions. I think I am going to change it up a little though, as I am going to get rid of dress up and might get rid of physical too, as I should be doing those more then once a week. So any suggestions?

Nature: Santa Rosa

This isn't really nature, as most of them haven't been; damn cold AND rain!!

So on Thursday, I think? Ellie, who is home for winter break from Mexico, invited me out for dinner at her house with her entire family. How this is nature though, is the car ride up. While there was traffic through most of it, it was actually great to see the hills and the grasslands, and all of the other geographical features of the area. It was super calming, that even in traffic I wasn't super stressed out!!

Movie: Inception

Took me a long enough, eh?

Finally saw inception, which was as good as everyone said. I bet it would have been nice to watch it on the big screen, but I think I had a good seat watching it on a big screen cuddled on a bed. So maybe that was the best way to watch it!

Overall the movie was very interesting. They did a really good job, creating a whole world of the future. They did have a couple holes, but in all honesty, if I watched it again, they would probably be answered.

Dress up: Make up

EVERY DAY!

Since I came back from down South, and spending a few days with my girls in SF, I realized that I don't really put enough into my appearance, and my general well being. SO to change this, I have actually worn make up every day this week!!!! As of the new year, I think this category will change. Ideas include, nice restaurant, indulge, or?????

Cultural: LA

I mean the OC. I went down Friday-Monday, and while I didn't get to do a WHOLE lot of touring, I did definitely get the feel! I stayed in Santa Ana mostly, but also ventured up to Santa Monica for an afternoon. Overall, I'm not sure that area has my kind of people with a RARE exception!!

Creative: Scarf

More then half way done! Yipeeeeee!

Reading: The Nightingales of Troy COMPLETE

I finished it. As I've said it definitely was not a page turner. It actually got me mad, because the author did such a good job of vesting you within the characters and then offering no closure. The whole book had no closure! I still don't know what really happened! Some parts were funny, most were a mix of historical and social I guess?

I think Miquila will like it, as it seems to be really good writing. Speaking of Miquila, she bought me this book The Untethered Soul, which she has read for the better part of a year, and I'm super excited to start!

Cooking: Salmon

Not a whole lot to tell here. Was driving home from work and knew I needed to buy something to eat. Since I may not get to this another time, I decided to try something new. I called up Adrianna who had recently called and she suggested Salmon. I threw some spices and lemon juice on it and put it in the oven for about 20 minutes. I paired it with a spinach/tomato salad, and skinny asparagus.

Physical: Turbo Kick

I love it! The instructor is amazing!

I am hoping over break to do much more physical, but for now with my schedule, I am only at once a week! At least I eat fairly healthy!

Reflection: Week 15

High and low, as has been the past few weeks. I go through hours where I feel like my frustration or anxiety or irritation won't ever break and then go through periods, where not a thing will bother me. I'm so up and down, I'm driving myself and those around me crazy!!

Miquila bought me "The Untethered Soul", which I'm gonna start reading after I finish my Troy book, hoping that it will do something to help! I'm also planning on spending the break reading alot and doing alot of my balance chart things. It might be irregular however, as I will not be on a schedule.

Nature: Oakland Rose Garden

So by the time I got back from the city, I had like 30 minutes of light before darkness set in, so I decided to take myself to the Oakland Rose Garden, which I've never been to before. Ohmygosh it was laid out beautifully, its a huge open wide memorial grove and I am such a big fan!! I hope to go back and enjoy it for real!

Cooking: Aoli

I don't actually have the recipie and that's probably a good thing. I went over to Miquilas with the idea of making something for dinner. Todd was there as well(that's his hand, not mine!) and we decided on a salad, and pasta with aoli. Well we were all super grumpy because we hadn't eaten so Todd went out to get some pizza to satisfy a bit, while I worked on the Aoli. The aoli wound up being essentailly semi minced garlic cloves, corn and olive oil, salt/pepper and an egg yolk. We drizzled it on our pasta but heavily relied on cheese, butter and other things to liven it up!

Dress up: Heels and red lipstick

Friday night, I wore a regular outfit, although I got some definite guy attention for my T shirt which was nice. But I wore my heeled boots, which actually wound up being an impediment to dancing and wound up ditching them in order to do so.

Saturday night, I wore a dress up outfit and did not wear alot of make up but did have red lips and a red hair tie to off set my black sweater.

Creative: Knitting again

I have finished approximately 1/3 of the scarf now and just want to get it done in time to give it as a gift for the holidays!!

Movie: Pi

I tried to watch Pulp Fiction, but there was a problem with the file, so I saw Pi sitting in the folder and thought I'd try it out. Knowing nothing about it, I clicked play. I was knitting while watching and wasn't super focused, it seemed pretty interesting. The premise is that numbers and patterns are found in everything, yet the more one focuses on figuring them out, the less human it seems, they become. I'm glad I saw it as it seems to be part of the popular fabric of our times. I really should try to see Pulp Fiction though!

Cultural: Death metal Concert

Amy, her teacher friend Erica and I headed to Blake's on Friday night for their coworker's(and fellow history teacher) David's band Ashkira. The first band was pretty awful, at least as far as my limited musical tastes allow. The lead guy kept screaming into the microphone and it hurt to listen. Then David's band went on and all of his teacher friends went up to dance. I however, hurt my feet by being a baby and wearing heels. Yet, after the first song I couldn't stand it anymore, took of my boots and got right up in there!! It was soo much fun!!

Reading: Nightingales of Troy

This book is starting to get more interesting as its getting more modern and the author is having the narrator get younger. It's still not a super page turner and taking me a while to get through, for the fact that its not that long.

Physical: Turbo Kick

Ohmygosh, I have feel sooo pumped after that workout! WHOOOOO

reflection: Week 14

So I know I missed a few weeks. I decided to do my chart last week over two weeks, the week before break and the week of break. I didn't bring my laptop down to florida and I was super busy the week before break.

This week was full of ups and downs but this is the first time in a long time that I had a great Sunday! Sunday is usually my bad day, and if today was a good one, maybe I'm turning a corner!

I had a lot of things come together for me today! I'm also trying to really attack the major problem that is stressing me out at school, while letting other problems go completely. I'm also trying to bring my balance to a whole new level, especially the dress up one, trying to make myself look great everyday, and reading more regularly instead of just sitting at the computer or watching TV. I'm trying to sprinkle it in, instead of do everything hardcore!

Also, in my relationships I'm trying to take a huge step back and calm down and stop taking everything so seriously. I'm realizing that I have so much going for me and I need to keep remembering that.

SO a good end of week overall!!

Nature: nothing

So as I've mentioned I have massive OCD issues, I believe, and I hated that my numbers in the upper right hand corner were off. So I've been putting so much pressure on myself to get done all the things on the list so the numbers will stay even!

But, I couldn't do nature! Its cold and dark by 5, and it rained nearly the whole weekend, so how am I supposed to? I have a feeling December in general will be hard to do nature.

SO I have decided, that if I don't do one, I will explain why, so my numbers stay even!

Creative: Making cards

I wrote out 7 holiday cards today, and 11 last week! Whooo hoooo!!!

Cultural: Santa-Con

So our intention was to do several cultural things, starting with santa-con, which is a afternoon bar crawl where everyone dresses up as santa. Then, we were going to head to a BrewFest, a speakeasy bar that needs a password, and then a party at Todd's friends house.

After starting to pregame at Miquila's house(photo above), next thing we know its 6pm, and Santa-Con was over at 7. So we decided to grab something to eat at a Pizza place nearby(two pictures below. There was no picture out of like 8 where all three of us looked normal) and before we know it, ONE OF US is asleep on the bar. So we had all these grand expectations and didn't make it more then a block from Miquila's house. In this case, I am going to count intention, especially because it involved dressing up!!

Dress up: Santa-Con

So I spent a while in my head putting this together, and I was very proud of myself. It consisted of mary jane shoes(starting from the ground up), black leggings, white tank top and red lingerie, a black scarf and my red jacket. I also put makeup on including my red red lipstick! Santa approved!!

Movie: Swingers

"You are so fucking money."

This movie was very eye opening. I am obviously the Mike character, but a girl. It was interesting to see how destructive he was. Berger(never caught his name in the movie, but from sex and the city) said that the difference between Mike and other guys, is that Mike focused on what he didn't have instead of what he did. I know I can fall apart, when I think I should be getting something(a guy, an honor, high averages, etc) and I don't. I think the whole world is judging me, as I am judging me. Yet, its not true! Was a good one to see!

Reading: The Nightingales of Troy

One nice thing about visiting mom is getting new books! She's part of a book club, with her New York friends, and they video chat once a month with mom. It's actually really nice. While mom is not much of a reader, the rest of the ladies are and pick out some good books. Over the break i finished Devil in the White City and read the girl with the dragon tattoo. BOth of which of course ended with serial killers, which has been coloring my opinion of suave men as of late.

I'm now reading this book, called Nightingales of Troy, which is intriguing, although not a real page turner.

It focuses on the lives of women in this family, in Troy, New York(15 minutes from my hometown) over a century and does a bunch of vignettes, I guess. It's beautifully written, and the history of both the area, and the women's arena in the early 20th century I have found quite interesting so far.

Physical: Kickboxing

So I had a rough time with it, with physical this week. I can't figure out exactly why it happened but I went to kickboxing with Marissa on Monday. My head was really hurting, and my feet were hurting because of wearing heels earlier in the day. Then, this guy I don't like walked in, and went in the corner where I couldn't even see him, but just his presence irritated me. Finally, this guy next to me sucked. And when someone sucks when you are kickboxing, you get kicked, or hit. NOT FUN! So I moved, but at this point the only open space was behiind a column, so I couldn't see the guy at all. After five more minutes of lack luster following along others, I nearly broke into tears out of irritation and left.

So I knew I had to go back and I went to kickboxing again tonight, but the instructor is lack luster and I am not a fan! At least I got my heart pumping! Oh and I rode my bike to work today too!

Cooking: Quinoa

While not a major cooking expedition, I did cook a brand new thing Quinoa! It's supposedly super healthy for you and something you would only find in Berkeley or on space stations apparently, as its a complete protein!

I might have ate 4 servings of it, but it was super good!! I ate it with a stirfry of beef and vegetables, with a spinach and tomato salad proceeding it!

Reflection: Week 12

So first, I thought I'd share my analness. It really bothered me that on my label list that some had the number 11 and others 12. They were all of kilter, so I decided to balance them out this week by not doing cultural, dress up and movie, the three things I've done every week. I even went back and deleted a tag on the first entry so even reflection will be even with everything else.

So I guess I did another type of balancing then this week! I also have been loving the weather and therefore have been able to really do nature in a way that I haven't in weeks.

This week I didn't even begin my chart until Saturday, even though I had Thursday off. It just didn't happen. Even though I was working on it all weekend, I still had a pretty rough few days. As I predicted, social engagements would start to slow down, and I was in such a lull that I wound up telling people no, which only made it harder.

I am very conflicted about the purpose of social time. I was perusing facebook today and happened upon this article that asserted, among other things that in order to be happy most people require 7 hours of social time a day. If this is true, my job covers that during the week and I usually get it on Saturdays. It could explain why Sundays seem the saddest day of the week. However, I'm also concerned that sometimes instead of hanging out with people, I just need them for company. I'm sure we all feel like this, and I for one, do not like that dependence on others.

So this weekend I attempted to socialize very little, and of course, wound up still doing so, at the park, at my house, at the gym today, through phone calls, texts and IMs. But I still socialized less and felt it. This is also the first Saturday night I didn't go out and I really felt it. Even working out this morning did no good. I know its a fine line between comfort, and need, but I am constantly wondering when I'm stepping over that line.

I am undecided as to whether I am going to attempt my chart when I'm gone especially since I am not intending to bring my laptop. We shall see. Maybe, I'll be healthy enough not to be bedridden all week, unlike last year!

Creative: scarf again

SO I couldn't get any more creative with this week's creative then to work more on my scarf. However, I did do it outside in my beautiful backyard!

Physical: Zumba

I've seen this class advertised for years but have yet to take advantage of it. Until today. After not waking up early enough yesterday to go, I decided today, that I would go! I went to the Oakland High St. gym and attended the class! The teacher was great, super full of energy. I lagged in the middle, but overall did well! I think went to the sauna, steam room and hot tub.

However, usually when I'm feeling blaaa, exercising usually boosts me up. Plus, combine amazing weather with that, yet I'm still blaaa, I can't fix it and its getting me into trouble! What is going on??

Cooking: Butternut Squash Soup

I wanted to make something different tonight, but had no idea what. I decided to look up "healthy food" in google to see what came up. Somehow I stumbled on a butternut squash recipe with pears and such that sounded pretty good. I consulted my Israel friend Aimee and my roommate Dennis and found a good recipe on allrecipies.com, where I stockpile. I didn't fully follow the recipie, as it called for other vegetables. Never having tasted or cooked this soup I wanted to try it naked first, so I did. I did however, pair it with a pear/apple/raspberry salad!

Reading: Devil in the White City-part 2

Ok, so in four hours I was able to read about 50 pages, but this book is dense. I am really intrigued at the knowledge of architecture and landscaping that the author had to obtain in order to write this book effectively. Yet, he writes it in a way that I can actually understand and appreciate and don't want to merely gloss over. Overall, I'm still into the book, which is pretty impressive, as I usually tend to like books that have a love story, a female protagonist or espouses some philosophy. This book does none of those! Perhaps, I am maturing a bit?

Nature: Indian Rock Park

Wanting to enjoy this amazing 70 degree weekend I looked up parks in Berkeley! To my delight I've been to or know I don't want to go to nearly every one! I find this one I had not heard of called Indian Rock Park, which is in the Berkeley Hills. It is essentially in North Berkeley, near Tilden Regional Park almost in Albany! It is essentially a bunch of Rocks, or boulders. Once you climb to the top you have a full panaramic view of Oakland, San Francisco and the North Bay. It was beautiful and a beautifully clear day to go! I brought my book with me, and met some Aussie's as I often tend to do, and had an excellent little day!!

Reflection: Week 11

This week got alot better. I have calmed down so much. As I mentioned in the physical post, I really am convinced that proccessed foods are like poison. Even if I eat crappier natural food(like a ham and cheese sandwich for instance), it seems like it is better then the fruit roll ups I've randomly been eating lately.

I also think that it is season dependent, my moods, which sucks. Especially now that its daylight savings time and its 830 and I'm ready to go to bed.

I feel that this is definitely giving me an outlet but its not enough.

Dress up: Hair?

So I have done very little with my hair recently save putting a hair band in it. So since I have some time today, I decided to curl it. I want to know how long the curl will last before I start curling it more often, now that it is getting colder.

Reading: Devil in the White City-part 1

I finished part 1. This book is not exactly a page turner. It is also really tricky as it uses alot of primary sources making you think that it is super historical, but he also adds alot of his own anecdotes, which quickly gets lumped up as the same information.

Cutlural: Aileen's barefoot dance party

This is the first time since I began this chart that I did not have a real "cultural" event to go to! How crazy is that! 10 weeks of having at least something out of the ordinary to do. That was until Omari and I convinced Aileen to have a party, which turned into a barefoot dance party!! Soo much fun! Met great people and saw many more great people! Overall a "kick-ass" party, as Aileen would say! Happy Birthday Aileen!!

Nature: Cesar Chavez Park

Ohmygosh, it could not have been a more beautiful day! My friend Julie and I had been trying to do something in nature for a few days and had decided on Strawberry Canyon. Then in the morning I saw I had said maybe to a facebook invite for a shabbat lunch at Cesar Chavez park. We changed our plans and had a great Israeli lunch in a beautiful setting! We learned how to fly kites and met some pretty cool people!!

Movie: The Graduate

"Well here's to you Mrs. Robinson...."

I have to say other then understanding such a pop culture idea, I really did not enjoy this movie that much.

So Ben, is seduced by Mrs. Robinson, and in the middle of the affair, he meets and is taken by her daughter. Yet, when she finds out about her mother, she splits, leaving him to chase after her for the rest of the movie.

Overall, its unbelievable. An older woman would not just throw herself at someone like that. Also, the daughter would not be that taken by him, nor should he be that taken of her in such a short period of time. The characters aren't developed, or even remotely likable, except for the daughter. However, her likability goes down, when you factor in how rash she is.

The only cool part is when he goes to stalk her in Berkeley, he sits across from a book store that is like 3 blocks from my house. Otherwise this is the worse movie I've watched so far. I guess I'm glad to have seen it, to get the true history behind the song and cougar idea, but I have no need to ever watch it again.

Cooking: Red Rock Cod

I went to Berkeley Bowl and headed straight to the fish counter. I told the guy I'm not into fishy fish and told him to pick something out for me. He had me get Red Rock Cod and told me I just needed to pan fry it for a few and voila! I added in a bed of spinach, yellow tomatoes and some asparagus that my old roommate Jessica always made, and topped it all off with some lemon! Super yummy! and the best part is I have the same thing for another night!!

Physical: Kickboxing again

I had a really bad weekend and so decided to commit to more working out and eating healthy in an effort to make my body feel better. So I bailed last week, I couldn't bail again! I was a few minutes late, but got the workout. I felt super lethargic though, and realized something my friend Todd has been telling me for years now; processed food is poison!! On Sunday I had made a mixture of Macaroni and Cheese, tuna fish and bean sprouts. I have made this in the past, except with spinach and found it very comforting. Yet, since I have inadvertanly cut out almost all processed foods until recently, I've been noticing my body feel badly! So after reading a few articles I've decided to try to only buy food on the perimeter of supermarkets, and try to stick to places like Berkeley Bowl. Therefore I can really get my workout on!

Reflection: Week 10

I have already thrown in the towel for this week for not doing any cooking. I have enough food here for the week not to do cooking and I'm sure I'll start off with it next week. Also I think I've done a pretty good job of skipping everything once except movie, cultural and dress up. So if I have to skip something next week, it should be one of those! I also think that it is CRAZY that I have not missed cultural. Think about it, in ten weeks I have not a weekend where nothing is really going on. That is crazy to me!

I think, even though I love the activities that I am doing every week that this is not meeting its intended outcome. This was supposed to calm me down and its not doing it anymore. My mind is racing about everything, my stomach is in knots, and I keep going through these periods of intense sadness, followed by periods not of elation, but periods where I can't believe I was so sad. I don't like it and I don't really know what to do about it. This was in large part my preventative measure and it worked great when I wasn't stressed, but now that I am starting to be stressed its only providing a momentary escape. My sensitivity and grumpiness has started to already cause problems with me and relationships with others that I hope are not reversable. It's not who I am, its just sometimes what happens when I let everything get to my head. I don't like that I get like this. I am trying to eat healthy and commit to more exersize as that seems to help, but otherwise I'm worried its just going to get worse.

Cultural: Claremont Auction

I couldn't really decide if the auction or the Halloween party itself was more cultural, but I'm opting to go for the Auction since the Halloween party, was just a regular party with costumes.

The Claremont Auction, is a silent auction with a bar, and food being delivered(I even worked the bar!). It's put on by the PTA and raises alot of money for the school! There were over 200 auction items and parties! Our item, for our house, was taking the 8 kids that signed up on a CIA special mission, to dinner and ice cream.

It was located at a body shop and was a great setting for a Halloween event! I always have a blast at these things talking to the parents, and staff. I am really in my element! Unfortunately I told Pam we would leave at 7(we left at 815) and told Aileen I'd pick her up at 9, to head into the city, so I had to cut my joyous evening short, but it really pumped me up for the rest of the evening!!

Dress up: CIA

So at school, we are split up into houses, or an interdisciplinary group of teachers, that teach the four core subjects(math, science, english, social studies) who all share the same students, instructional strategies etc. I spent a day in my class allowing the students come up with the names. The three top choices was: The Brain Gang, Knights of Knowledge and the CIA-The Claremont Intelligence Agency. It was a close race but CIA pulled through.

So we had the Claremont Auction tonight, to raise money for the school and since it was on Halloween weekend, it was dress up, and so Pam the math teacher, convinced me to dress up like a spy, or a CIA agent. I think I looked more like Russian Mafia. Especially with the coat I was wearing, but I was close!

Nature: Waterfront Park

After several tries, I finally was able to get myself to the Oakland estuary. The Oakland Estuary is a series of waterfront parks on the bay. I took Aileen with me and we had a good couple hour walk beneath some murky clouds.

Creative: Knitting again

I was hoping to be able to post a picture that shows me a little farther, or at least a little more even, but I spent most of my friday evening knitting and working on my first little project. Part of me wants to give it as a present, but part of me thinks there are too many imperfections, and there continues to be some. So my goal is to give it someone very deserving, but I don't know if I want to subject someone to that.

Physical: Hip Hop

Ok, so by the end of one class I was pretty much doing that. But take away the upside down thing, and the face and the nice clothes. Ok, well I wasn't exactly doing that, but I did actually not do too badly. I went with Stacy, who has been asking me for weeks to go with her! I'm so glad I did! We had soo much fun! It's not quite as aerobic as a kickboxing class, so going on the eliptical before hand was a good idea, but it was physical enough to get my endorphins flowing. And then of course, passing by Yogurtland, I had to get a whole bunch of chocolate yogurt and toppings, to ensure I wasn't tooo healthy!

Movie: Up in the Air

Following my vow to myself to not watch chick flicks, I opted for the opposite. I went for a movie that I thought would end exactly where it started, and I wasn't let down.

This movie's plot is about a man, who has evolved past the need for sedentary life, and instead lives for business trips, which he does the majority of the year. He meets a woman who leads a similar lifestyle, seemingly meeting several over the years. However, his life changes quite a bit when a fresh from ivy leager tries to ground him in Omaha, because of her genius cost saving ideas. TO train her she joins him on his trips and he finds himself constantly justifying and explaining his lifestyle to her. She starts to seep in and he starts to make something work with the woman, only to find out that she has a family at home. He heads back to the skies, confirming his prethought beliefs.

This is the first time in a long time I've watched a movie like this and not been saddened by it. It could be that I'm already in a funk lately, that nothing could really make me sadder, but I really needed to see how guys felt and thought. Not that I am necessarily having guy problems or anything, but I often forget how guys and girls seem to have very different opinions about settling down. I also felt much sympathy for the ivy leager and actually regretted similar things that I did when I first began my teaching career.

Reading: Devil in the White City

I bought this book for a class in grad school. It was a survey class in American History, yet obscure history. Like, instead of reading a book about the progressives during that era in history, we read a dissertation of the Know-Nothing party. Instead of reading a book about the Explorers, we read a book about the Salem Witch trials. Needless to say it was actually really enjoyable and really filled in gaps for me that I didn't even know I had!

I did a pretty good job reading the books, even though dense reading(dissertation/academic style) is my LEAST favorite. Of course, the one book that I didn't even pick up, is one of the most captivating books I've ever touched(and I'm only on page 25).

Devil in the White City, by Eric Larson, is a quasi-history of the World's fair in Chicago. It tells the story of one of its architects and a story of its most famous serial killer. It so far, even though its just telling an account of what happened, is one of the most page turning stories I've read. Even books I really like, I don't enjoy right away. So perhaps it will be short lived.

I also remember the one thing that my professor said about this, is how dangerous it is, or something like that, to read a book like this and consider it history. Other then that I don't remember much about the discussion! At least the book is engaging so far!

reflection: Week 9

This week was an interesting one. I knew I had a big weekend ahead of me, one that I wanted to play tourguide at. Yet, instead of getting my chart done, by Friday I had only done cooking and physical. Then all weekend I tried so hard to get it all done and made it more stressful, when its supposed to be relaxing.

I also had a really rough week. Well, really a really rough friday. I had a tough meeting at work and I feel like I am constantly reliving this same emotion over and over again which is giving me this block. It doesn't matter how wrong I am, I don't see it. I get so mad and take everything so ridiculously personally. For the first time ever, I nearly lashed out, at work, to my boss. I mean I know I was a little anxious about the weekend, but I also think this struck a cord. This was not simply a cord that was planted last year but planted long ago.

Essentially, it was over being told I was wrong, without letting me justify. At least, that was how I felt. It didn't matter if that was really going on, or what was said after, I just couldn't get past it. It's been quite a while since I've really felt like this and I didn't like it.

I want to know if there is a connection between my lack of chart this week and all this anxiety. I've felt way more anxiety the past week then I have in a while. I am wondering if this balance chart idea is really enough? Everytime I get even slightly criticized or corrected, I'm ready to question everything that I have ever done. My stomach has been going crazy. When I get like that I can't think. I don't like that. I don't want that. I don't know how to fix it!

Creative: Pumpkin Carving

Sunday afternoon, Dan and I met up with Todd and Miquila at a loft in SOMA for a pumpkin potluck. I made my worldfamous salad and my roommates girlfriend just gave me this Korean Noodle dish called Jap Chae to bring with me, which was SUPER nice! We hung out and carved pumpkins. I chose an easy one, because I didn't have a large amount of practice as a kid and I always try wayyyy more complicated then I should and it looks bad! So I succeeded and now have pumpkins to decorate my classroom with!

Movie: Thank you for smoking

This movie follows the spokesman for big tobacco's research agency. He spins the truth, but is also trying to show his son what is right and wrong.

It was interesting how quickly, as I was watching, I found myself believing what he was saying, even though I knew he was full of shit. I do not like how easily persuaded I am by prose.

Nature: Rose Garden

While we didn't stay for tooo long since it was raining there was an attempt to make some nature happen at the Berkeley rose garden, part of the WPA!

Cultural: Tour guide

Yes, I am getting credit for this twice now! The tour began at the palace of fine arts, and stepped outside for a photo shoot. Then on to Lombard, where we barely made it up the hill prior. Then some drive bys including; the painted lady, Haight/Ashbury, Castro and Mission. The final stop was the fairy tale houses in Berkeley!

Dress up: Tour guide

I dressed up professional today as I was acting as a San Francisco tour guide. I wore minimal make up, a gray headband a long sweater with a belt and, wait for it....HEEELSdr

Physical: Kickboxing

So I love it! I miss it so much when I don't do it! Yet with all the things I try and do, do during the week I am lucky to work out once a week! I am trying to eat better on a regular basis to balance out how little I am physical! The class is run by this TFA teacher, who has sooo much energy!! I love it!

Cooking: Self made creation

Using the fajitas that Miquila and I made on Sunday, I reheated them, threw a bed of spinach on the bottom and sunny side up eggs on the top!

reflection: Week 8

This week seemed to fly by! I had started this week in school, with a really easy planning schedule. I am concerned that it isn't quite as rigorous as I would like, and am working on getting it that way! But either way for this week I was really able to make interventions a priority which was great after grades were done! It also gave me more freedom to work on my chart!!

I also was able to do a lot of my chart items with friends! I really like that I have this structured pressure to do valuable work with my free time! I'm a fan of this!

My big goal for the next few weeks is to get better at listening! I have deemed myself a bad listener and would like to improve, and I think this chart can focus me on that!

Cooking: Fajitas

Also cheating on this one. Miquila and I hadn't had 1:1 time in forever(about a week), so we decided after my sojurn to Daly City that I would come over and we would cook. We decided to cook Fajitas, which I technically have never cooked before, and technically still haven't really. After cutting a few of the vegetables, I got involved in something else on the computer, and before I knew it, cooking was done and I had an excellent meal with Miquila!

Nature: Buying Plants

Super cheating this week! I spent much of yesterday outside in the backyard, but today, which I had reserved for nature was raining. So my mom came up with a plan B, buy plants! So after our reading time, Manveer and I went down to Daly City, bought some clothes and Kohl's and then headed to Home Depot!

Since regular plants I have failed to keep alive in my classroom, I went with succulent plants. I mean if I can kill succulents, I just shouldn't have any living object depend on me for life!!

Reading: Veronika Decides to Die-COMPLETE

I finished the book, in my friends bed this morning, while he read the newspaper on his IPAD. If only he were straight, it would have been a happy little 21st century couple moment.

Anyways, while the first half of the book was a huge critique on society, the second half of the book seemed more just telling stories of the other characters, for no particular reason! The moral of the story is that in order to live fullest, you need to be free. It also had major undertones that you don't appreciate your life until you realize the fleetingness of it!

I didn't love this book, but it did have a good message to it! It also seemed to be a lot more personal, as he had spent many years of his life in insane assylum's and felt that people aren't truly crazy, but that they just don't want to conform to the masses.

Dress up: Manveer's Party

I have been really putting in the effort since I began this! One day a week I put some time and thought to what I look like, with the hope that it permeates throughout all the days!

Today I wanted to have a simple outfit and to play up the hair and the makeup. My goal in the future is to do more with my hair. Especially since I had to redo my eyes, as I looked like I had a black eye. Either way, this is my attempt. I spent nearly an hour on this!

Creativity:Knitting

After a particularly henius week last year, I took my coworker/friend Liz to Michaels so I could find a new creative outlet. This was probably the first stage of what I am currently doing now with my chart! I bought nearly $100 worth of crafts including scrapbooking, jewelery making and knitting stuff. With the exception of some scrapbooking pages I have yet to touch the stuff. UNTIL TODAY...

I was online with my old roommate Amy figuring out what creative thing to do, and wound up convincing her to come over so we could figure out how to knit. After unsuccessfully using several videos and websites, we found this one and this one. The first one is actually a series of videos and that taught us how to create the slip knot and how to cast(and is used to teach kids, so actually pretty helpful!). The second one was super helpful because her needles were so big I could actually see what she was doing!!! while we each remade ours several times, I can now say that I have done at least 6 rows without redoing it!

I think I have found my creative outlet for the next few weeks! Its challenging enough that it takes alot of energy, yet it doesn't actually involve my mind, so my mind literally empties. It's like my own little meditation! Huge fan so far! Even if my first scarf will probably only fit on a doll or a very small child!

Movie: Fight Club

I dont know how it took me this long to see this movie. But I guess most of these movies I should have seen that I haven't!

So this movie follows an everyman through his white collar existence. He hates his life, but doesn't feel like he has any control, so he creates an imaginary friend/another self and creates an army of people who oppose the burgeoning corporate America.

It definitely had many interesting societal critiques. The first, and most prevalent, was peoples tacit agreement to keep the establishment, and corporations in power by working and respecting them. There was also the idea that men are designed to be aggressive, and protective of others, and corporate America takes all that away, leaving many men feeling lonely and useless. A comment they made, which I appreciated, was that people in power need the proletariat, for lack of a better term, and that in reality, there is a mutual agreement in place between the people in power and the proletariat, in order for the world to function as is. I think I am not explaining it right exactly, but I see quite a few social critques. I can't handle watching the movie again anytime soon, but if I see it again, I will try to pay more careful attention to it.

I am still a little confused how the girl fit in, or if she was simply a sub plot so some girls might be interested in the movie?

I did catch on to the personal struggle, and felt akin to it! I know sometimes we can feel that others can do it better then ourselves, or that we need permission to do things that we want to do. Brad Pitt kept talking about being free, and what he meant was free from societal pressure! He meant that society functions in large part to keep everyone in their place. I personally think that society does function for good, as it creates a moral and ethical code for people to live by, but alot of times it is way to cloistering, and keeps us from doing things we want, simply because we are afraid of what others think.

My thoughts are so not well developed at all, but it was definitely an interesting, thought provoking movie.

Final note-I started watching Leap Year at the beginning of the week, and decided to scrap it. I need to stop watching movies like that, that create unrealistic expectations for relationships! Instead I'll watch a movie where guys beat each other up for fun! That's super more realistic!

Cultural: Iph

The bay area, and theater groups in general around the country are trying to reach out to a younger audience. Therefore they created Free theater night across the Bay area. I missed it a few weeks ago, but I knew I wanted to capitalize on it this week, especially since I really had nothing cultural going on this week. So I convinced my roommate's girlfriend Geebi to go. Miquila wound up meeting up as well!

Iph... is the story of Agamemnon's internal and external struggle as he's been told that to protect Greece he needs to sacrafice his oldest daughter. The story is originally told by Euripidies, and much of the dialogue was hard to understand. However, it also had a social justice slant, about the need or lack thereof for war.

Overall, it was interesting. It was a production put on by an African American troupe and a women's troupe, so they were incredibly creative in their casting and musical selections. Geebi hated it, and Miquila was pretty neutral. I thought it was pretty good, especially for the fact that it was free!

Physical: Kickboxing

Unfortunately, its been quite a while since I have really truly worked out. I was doing that dance thing, and I missed last week, which puts me at nearly a month. In reality, its been soo much longer. So today, I committed myself to going to Kickboxing. Marissa, my coworker knew the instructor, and said he was better then the lady who did it last school year. She was right! I felt a big workout and I was probably not even in it for like 10 minutes(I got lost getting there, and had to pee in the middle). It felt good to workout again!

My big accomplishment was that I did one of those moves where you touch the floor. Normally when the group does that I just touch my knee as I'm super inflexible, but I did it this time! Whooo hoooo!!!

Reflection: Week 7

I've been super behind on my whole chart this week. Partly being sick, partly Vegas, and partly work is getting harder. Luckily this weekend, I have/had plans only Friday and Saturday night, giving me lots of time to get to my chart, and revitalize me during the day! It was also a beautiful weekend as well!! I was able to complete everything except for physical, which I blame on my lingering cold. I am in the process of getting my bike fixed, so hopefully that will allow me to start biking again. Plus, I'd like to commit to twice a week from now on. I've been eating kinda crappier lately, and in the words of my coworker "If you want to continue looking the way you do, stop eating crap."

I overall had a GREAT week and weekend! Since the beginning of the year, I haven't had a full weekend to myself, and that was absolutely great! I got done soo much, and relaxed the whole time as well! Plus I still had tons of social time Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday night!

I had a rough week at work however, but it ended off pretty well. Aileen helped me come up with a no prep way to teach my elective class, and I somehow found a low prep way to teach my history class. By doing this, I'll have less energy expended during the day, less work to do after school and more time to devote energy to differentiating instruction and parent/student outreach. I haven't officially rolled it out yet, so I'll check back in next week. A tough week, bore something that might actually work to my benefit. Why do I have to completely break down though, before I make a change?

Reading: Veronika Decides To Die

I have been very hesitant, if I want to read this book or not. I tend to get influenced by ideas pretty easily because of my openmindedness and I was worried that it might be a sensitive topic. Yet, this is surprisingly not a depressing book. Within the first few pages, the reader is already witnessing her first suicide attempt. In her explanation, she is clear that she is not depressed, or sad, but she feels like the world is vapid, or repetitive. She thought there was no reason for living, because she thought she had done it all. She had friends, boyfriends, a good job, good family, etc and didn't know what else would change, so she might as well leave on her own terms.

So her attempt doesn't work, and instead has her wind up in an insane assylum. Through her own processing, and conversations with others, the reader gets to understand a critique on society. At this point, this is my favorite quotation. "Once in a mental hospital, a person grows used to the freedom that exists in the world of insanity and becomes addicted to it. You no longer have to take on responsibilities, struggle to earn your daily bread, be bothered with repeitive, mundane tasks. You could spend hours looking at a picture or making absurd doodles. Everything is tolerated because after all the person is mentally ill...They no longer had to hide their symptoms and the "family" atmosphere helped them to accept their own neuroses and psychoses." It continues on this line of reasonings, offering that society is created to keep people in order, beginning with Adam and Eve. The premise that people cannot handle chaos, and are afraid to be crazy. It's an interesting perspective!

One neurosis that the main character has, that I to have is the constant feeling that I am bothering others. An ancillary character comments on this thought, "Stop thinking all the time that you're in the way, that you're bothering the person next to you. If people don't like it, they can complain. And if they dont' have the courage to complain, that's their problem."

So far, the book has not been depressing in the least, and instead has been very thought provoking as many of Paulo Coehlo books are! About half way through now, looking forward to the end!
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Cultural: Japanese Karaoke

I have done this one other time, in Thailand. The premise, is you sit in a room with a monitor and two mic's and you control the karaoke. It's pretty much awesome. We went for my coworker Brian's birthday. Most of the guests were gay rugby players, which is a real shame since one was SUPER cute. Had an absolute blast, singing everything from "I got rhythm" to "Roll out".

Dress up: New shirt

In Vegas I scored 5 new tops and a pair of pants at Limited for $100! I've been featuring them all week at school, but saved the best one for tonight! I also put on light make up, but no major eye make up. Unfortunately, I didn't get a picture with the shirt. :(

Cooking: Ginger Orange Chicken

I was desperate for vegetables, so I stuck to my "classic" salad but wanted to add a little twist. After unsuccessfully navigating allrecipies.com, I decided to check out some of my cookbooks, and found this recipie in "The Everything Healthy Meals in Minutes Cookbook", which it looks like I, (or more likely my mother) purchased at Christmas Tree Shops.

So as I said I started with my basic salad and made the chicken, which essentially called for cooking it through first. Then grating garlic, orange zest and ginger and mixing it with some orange juice and throwing the chicken back in. I then cut up the chicken and threw it in my salad for a protein, and vegetable meal that satisfied and was fairly quick(1.5 hours from leafing through the cookbooks, going to the store, cooking, eating and cleaning!!)

Movie: Clash of the Titans

If this man wasn't enough of a reason to watch this movie I don't know what is. This movie told the story of Perseus, half god-half man. It's an action movie in which he is fated to save the city of Argos against Hades. Overall, I liked it. The graphics were fun, and during the fighting scenes I finished up grades(comment codes). It frustrated me a little, that all the other major characters in the movie fought and died for the cause, while Perseus was really the only 3 dimensional character. It seemed like the point of the movie was for him to realize his destiny. Yet, in denying his destiny for most of the movie, many people had to die. It creates a very selfish character, and for those who watch a movie like this at a young age, will think that other people are not as important as the changes going on within yourself. I don't know if I am explaining this right, but it seems to insinuate that its ok if all these people died, as long as you changed and grew?

Anyways, the guy was cute, and it filled in another myth, so I can better teach the Greece unit at the end of the year!!

Creativity: Envelopes

I was unable to send out the cards I made last week to my Grandma's. I gave them the biggest pictures of me, thinking that they would appreciate them the most. However, the card I had written out had an envelope that was just too small!! So all week the cards have been sitting next to my bed with my ginormous face looking at me every day.

Waiting for a phone call back from Adrianna(she just had to readjust her hands free set, she claims), I decided to make some envelopes for the picture/card to go into. I used this website, and just modified it slightly. First, I used 12 x 12 paper, and therefore second, didn't need the extra paper to complete the envelope. I used scrapbook paper that I bought last year that has actually come in handy!!

My only worry now though, is that the envelope might be too big or weigh too much for a regular stamp.

Nature: Cal Academy of Sciences

Ok, so its a stretch, but this week most everything is going to be a stretch. So we started off by having sushi OUTSIDE(the beginning of the "nature" activity) and wound up at Cal Academy. My favorite things were the Sea Dragons and the Ribbon Eel! I really enjoyed the Aquarium in general and also had a REALLY great Cantelope drink!

Reflection: Week 6

So I am definitely a real person. This was part of the reason that I was doing this, to ensure that I keep my identity as a person and not just a teacher. This weekend in Vegas, I officially forgot that I was a teacher. I was so wrapped up in that world of Vegas that it seemed like that was all I had at the time. The papers I had to grade didn't feel like an anchor to my real life, it felt like I was truly on vacation, in a way that I am just now starting to investigate and enjoy. I guess in reality I started it last year, but accidentally. Now, it is an intentional part of my life!

Cutlural: Winner!!

While I am not even remotely a gambler, I do enjoy playing the penny slots from time to time. Luckily Miquila wanted free drinks quite a bit so we wound up there a bunch! Who knew you just sat down somewhere for a while and drinks are delivered to you!! Anyways, while I have partaken in light gambling before, I think it can still count as my cultural event for the week! I x7.5 my money!! Started with a dollar, wound up wth $7.50

Physical: Dancing at Tao

Gots to get a little creative here to ensure I am doing all of my chart. Tao was a $20 nightclub that we got into for free! We immediately hit the dance floor and I immediately met this boy that I wound up spending until sunrise with, out on the strip hanging out in front of the "Trevi fountain". However, the moral of the story is the dancing, in HIGH HEELS! For nearly an hour!! That's totally physical right?

Dress up: Out on the town

This is the first time in a VERY long time that I dressed up two nights in a row. But c'mon its Vegas. The second night I really tried to take a picture of my eye makeup, but all I really got was a series of really creepy pictures..

Creativity: Cards

So innitially I wanted one of my categories to write a card each week, and have it be this cathartic process. Also, who really writes cards anymorees. And really, doesn't everyone love receiving cards? I mean I remember in College that was all I wanted to receive. But I'm starting to become an adult(just starting), and I realize that I should start getting better at cards. So I decided to write a few today as my "creativity". I'm also super sick and trying not to talk today so I can get ready for my dress up/cultural event this weekend LAS VEGASSSS

Movie: The Terminator

So lately I have been sticking to 80s movies. All I can say is, I cannot believe that man is now our governor. I know I'm behind the times a bit, but I finally get the ridiculousness of it all!!

The movie had an interesting story, a dystopia created by going back in time and creating it. Very interesting. I am curious to see #2, as supposidly the governator is a good guy? I can't believe it!

I am actually glad that it wound up becoming quite unbelievable by the end, as not to get nightmares! I tend to scare easily!

I also am super sad that the line "come with me if you want to live" was super not dramatic whatsoever. That's like a classic line said in the most un passionate way.

Nature: Lake Merrit

I missed nature last week. While I was in nature at the festival and just in general, I did not devote a period of time to nature, so I wanted to make sure to get it done this week. I went for a walk with Liz around Lake Merrit. When I first moved here the Lake was one of my favorite places in the area. While I don't go as much, I have to say it still is. In 3 miles, around this man made lake(it was originally a tributary), you see residential, public, commercial, a bird sanctuary, farmers markets, you name it! I love the lake!

I also realized that I really haven't been working out much! That three mile walk really knocked the wind out of me! My legs, back, I was even out of breath! I really think I need to be kicking it up a notch physically! I've been getting super stressed, and I always forget the power of physical-ness.

Reading: Prep complete

It is incredible how much this character is like my own. I read the commentary in the back and they talk about how she is not a likeable character, however, and I completely disagree. She was real and she was honest. She was doing all she could, or at least how she thought she could.

This book really makes me realize how important good friends are. I felt similar to her through much of highschool, because I didn't really give myself a support system. I had some good friends, but no real circle. It wasn't until senior year that I had my own little group!

Then I reverted back in college, to my old mindset, which is similar to Lee's in the story. I had super low self esteem, questioned everything and everyone, and was not fun, for lack of a better way to say it. It wasn't until the last two years, where I pretty much existed through the eyes of my boyfriend, who did genuinly like me for me. The problem was, I didn't know how to be like that in front of others. I was constantly on alert, waiting for people to do I'm not even sure what. Unfortunately, he wasn't enough, and I was depending on him way too much.

Then in grad school I finally started to feel right again, and had a great group of friends. That continued in South East Asia and minus a rough first year, that continues now in Oakland. It is incredible how healing it is for people to see you and appreciate you for who you are.

I don't know where I went wrong in college exactly. I know, I still have many of the gut reactions to people and situations, especially with people taking advantage or disrespecting me, that I did back then. However, I also have these friends and family that will and have supported me through so much. I am so lucky to have found them, and from the looks of it, over and over and over again.

So what it really looks like, is that the 12 year old that still lurking inside there needs to grow up. The 18 year old who let her father choose her college, she needs to grow up too. She needs to realize how good she has it, how much she has grown, and her internal monologue, needs to quiet down to a whisper, or to nothing.

It's crazy how much you can learn from a book. It's also fun to talk about yourself in third person!

Cooking: Sourdough Strata with Tomatos and Greens

Stolen, as a camera pic from some magazine at the grocery store. We'll see how this turns out. I've done the prep work, but it needs to cool overnight. We'll see if I wake up early enough to even make it for tomorrow?

Reflection: week 5

This week was a tough one. I had a lot of trainings this week that put a damper on filling out my chart. I was also super irritable and grumpy this week, taking my rath out on several innocent and non innocent bystanders.

I can't decide though if the balance chart is helping or hurting. I really like it and enjoy how much it keeps me honest. I am definitely going to see it more though, as a guide. I would like to do all of them, but if I don't, to make sure I do that one in the next week. Due to work constraints, the movie, and creativity barely happened and nature was unable to happen.

I am also wondering if there are other factors that are severely affecting my mood such as birth control or "climate" at work? These are very strong factors and I'm sure that its really a combination. I have just felt this week that I wanted to take a break from everything. Work took up soo many extra hours this week, but also this week/weekend was full of great events to take part in. It was really tough.

Should I give in and just face that I only get to have a life on break times, do I screw the balance chart and learn meditation? I think for now I'll skate a long a few more weeks and see what happens.

Cultural: Now and Zen Fest

Free concert: Check
Golden Gate Park: Check
Plain White T's: Check
Natasha Bedingfield: Check
Sara Bareilles: Check
90 degree weather: Check
Miquila and Aileen: Priceless
Overall a super fan! Not too crowded, but crowded enough!! Loved hearing the songs that I know. Not too super excited about Sara Bareilles though. Her songs are great, and I'm a huge fan of her, but her onstage persona was not at all a match to her songs. She was drunk, I think, or she kept saying it, and she just seemed like a total ditzy party girl. So not too impressed, but otherwise, an EXCELLENT time!!

Dress up: Ellie's party

Off to Ellie's party in Santa Rosa, I decided to do a day make up and a strapless dress.

Creativity: Cake Decorating

Ellie, my old roommate, is leaving for Mexico. Super sad, but gave me a great opportunity to be creative! Knowing my old, old, old roommate Amy was into cake decorating, I decided to call her up and enlist her help to make and decorate(the creative part) a cake. Chose a cookie cake instead of traditional cake and had wayyyyy to much fun using her little decorating tool. When all was said and done, it actually looked pretty ridiculous, mostly because I decided I couldn't waste any of the frosting, so the entire box of confectionery sugar, plus stick of butter, plus whipping cream is completely on the cookie cake!!

Note to reader, I am already ashamed at the amount of sugar/frosting there is on the cake. This is why I am not even showing you the absolute finished product.